I just found this support site. I don't know what to do. I was married to a very emotionally abusive man for about 10 years. We were married very young in college. I didn't know his well enough I was naive. Even though he is very "americanized" he is from Iran and came here when he was 15. When I met him he had no accent... he's very intelligent. I had a very dysfunctional childhood so I think that I somehow deserved to be treated bad & not deserving of respect. He used to at least admit to some of the things he did (like holding me down w/ a bb gun to my head telling me he was going to kill me) he even said he was sorry. I think I just wanted so much to believe him. We were separated for a couple years and he told me that we would be better off not going through lawyers. Then I had to have another back surgery and while I was trying to recover in Fl he served me w the divorce papers w/out any warning. It brought everything up again and the divorce got ugly. It seemed easier to not make him angry so I went along w/ him & didn't get a lawyer until I had to. I also thought since he apologized he was trying to make up for the years of abuse. I have been so depressed and isolating myself but I finally went to a friends party. I didn't know he would be there. I didn't want to leave because it was my friends b-day and didn't want to make a scene so I did what I did for so many years.. I just acted like I was ok but I was really dying inside. Around him I feel lower than dirt... I don't even feel human. It was so hard. I feel so sad and like I'm drowning & don't have the strength to swim anymore. I'm sorry this is so long and rambling. i just don't know what to do. I've been feeling very suicidal and I am not afraid to die. I just don't feel worthy. I feel like a waste of space. I'm so sorry this is long again and I hope I'm making sense. Thank you so much for your time.
Posts You May Be Interested In
Hi all! This is for those of you that have or have had the same neurologist for 4 years or more. I have been with mine now since 2009. He is one of the best movement disorder secialists in the midwest. I know he is extremely busy on the lecture circuit now and in fact not taking new patients there is a huge waiting list for him. BUT.... I feel like my visits are not what they use to be. He...
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...