Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Ok, so, now that we have established that it is abuse.... do you think he has a personality disorder? My Mom sometimes says he is a narcissist or something other kind of disorder...
My dad has a girlfriend and he can't seem to decide whether he wants to leave my mom and I or stay... so, he'll just leave for no reason for days at a time and refuse to answer his phone or email... or after they have a fight he'll leave or he'll hang it over her head like: 'if you don't stop being so nosey I'll leave' etc... he has done some really mean-spirited things like leaving his phone on when she calls so she hears them talking or worse... it is a cycle, he's done it numerous time and each time she comes home sobbing/ yelling/ cursing and saying it is over for real this time but then a week or so later she always lets him back, he swears he'll never do it again, etc...
apparently when they were 16 she broke up with him when he dropped her off at home around 3 am and then went out with his friend's girlfriend... he said he wasn't doing anything wrong, but she was angry because it seemed dishonest... anyway, obviously they got back together but he is still resentful
His family was/is emotionally messed up... and my aunt used to throw tantrums as a teenager (as in what 3 year olds do) and is physically abusive to my cousins/ without a doubt verbally/emotionally abusive to my grandma... both of my uncles are cheaters: One was engaged and had been dating for 7 years but it was broken off because he was cheating with my aunt and my other uncle got divorced when he cheated on his wife with his current wife there must be something genetic they also all have had alcohol problems. So, maybe my dad got it from his parents (he says his dad was emotionally abusive to his mom)
He says he freaks out when mom gets mad and has to leave because he cant deal with it as a result of always being blamed for the aunts personality disorder
There is definitely something genetic going on here, there are 9 kids in the 3rd generation (including me and my brother) 4 out of 9 have depression/ anxiety and 1 has Aspergers syndrome
So, does it sound like he could have some kind of personality disorder? He has been doing this for at least 2 years and he keeps cheating, blowing up, leaving, and coming back when I was 8 this happened also but I was oblivious and he is still resentful over their split when they were teens, which is odd
My dad has a girlfriend and he can't seem to decide whether he wants to leave my mom and I or stay... so, he'll just leave for no reason for days at a time and refuse to answer his phone or email... or after they have a fight he'll leave or he'll hang it over her head like: 'if you don't stop being so nosey I'll leave' etc... he has done some really mean-spirited things like leaving his phone on when she calls so she hears them talking or worse... it is a cycle, he's done it numerous time and each time she comes home sobbing/ yelling/ cursing and saying it is over for real this time but then a week or so later she always lets him back, he swears he'll never do it again, etc...
apparently when they were 16 she broke up with him when he dropped her off at home around 3 am and then went out with his friend's girlfriend... he said he wasn't doing anything wrong, but she was angry because it seemed dishonest... anyway, obviously they got back together but he is still resentful
His family was/is emotionally messed up... and my aunt used to throw tantrums as a teenager (as in what 3 year olds do) and is physically abusive to my cousins/ without a doubt verbally/emotionally abusive to my grandma... both of my uncles are cheaters: One was engaged and had been dating for 7 years but it was broken off because he was cheating with my aunt and my other uncle got divorced when he cheated on his wife with his current wife there must be something genetic they also all have had alcohol problems. So, maybe my dad got it from his parents (he says his dad was emotionally abusive to his mom)
He says he freaks out when mom gets mad and has to leave because he cant deal with it as a result of always being blamed for the aunts personality disorder
There is definitely something genetic going on here, there are 9 kids in the 3rd generation (including me and my brother) 4 out of 9 have depression/ anxiety and 1 has Aspergers syndrome
So, does it sound like he could have some kind of personality disorder? He has been doing this for at least 2 years and he keeps cheating, blowing up, leaving, and coming back when I was 8 this happened also but I was oblivious and he is still resentful over their split when they were teens, which is odd
-
I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
huh?
I think what you need to do is decide on the best course of action for yourself. Chances are this is going to go on and on and you are going to get totally frustrated with your Mom for not doing what you think she should. Taking some sort of stand and not backing down would seem to be an appropriate course of action for her to take but if she doesn't want to do it, you can't make her. You need to decide if you are prepared to just keep chipping away at her to get her to do what you think is on her best interests, support her no matter what she wants (even if you think it is self destructive for her) or to do or just withdraw from the situation and let what will be,be. There may be other options but I do think that you need to focus on a plan for yourself that you can live.
I feel so horribly for you and your mom... she really needs to kick your dad's ass out on the street. Regardless of whether he has a personality disorder or not, your mom doesn't deserve what he's doing to her. He's manipulating her and purposefully causing her extreme amounts of pain. If she keeps taking him back, he'll keep doing the same things because he knows he can.
I was in the hospital a few months back and one of the things the counselor pounded into my head is that mental illness is not an excuse for bad behavior. You still have a choice with everything you do. Mental illness/personality disorders can effect your thoughts and feelings, but ultimately, unless you're a psychopath or sociopath, you know the difference between right and wrong and the choice is yours. He knows what he's doing is wrong and he's choosing to do it anyway.
If I were you, I'd try to talk my mom into filing for divorce.. you can help keep her strong. Let her know how it's effecting you! Hopefully her maternal instinct will kick in and she'll get a divorce to protect you.