I was severely physically abused (black eyes, fat lips, bruises on face, neck, and arms, had my head slammed repeatedly into a tile floor, or walls, and choked until I thought I would die, he would stop and immediately do it again) and sexually abused (this also while he was drunk, and not performing well, so it would go on for hours, 6-8 hours at a time) I had him arrested, he got counselling, which he's still in, and court ordered AA, still going at times, but has this "friend" named Smidgey who signs the form, as does Smidgey's mom, who at 32 he still lives with, as he is also on probation, for DUI and he has also abused his girlfriend, who didn't have him arrested. So, this friend will call him and hang up when I answer, or very rudely ask for Steve by saying "Steve there" and not so much as a "hi" to me. Yesterday, Steve and I got in an argument (I didn't feel like sex, he said I owed him, or he would get it somewhere else). He left when I was in another room, the phone rings, I answer and it was a hang up. So is he cheating (never has before) or is it Smidgey(pet name courtesy of Steve, whose only name for me is vulgar)? He comes home 7 hours later, the phone rings, and it's Smidgey (whose name at this point I still didn't know- none of my business according to Steve, who doesn't think I "need" friends other than him, so he scared them all away)For the first time ever, he spoke to me, which in itself was intimidating (He knows about me, my name, about the DV, etc)saying "What's the matter, Cathy? Is he mad? Is he mad at you Cathy? I think he must be mad at you if he won't come to the phone for me, Cathy" I asked who he was and he told me this name, and it's the kind of juvenile name Steve would pick, so,to act unintimidated, I asked him where he got a name like that, and he told me Steve gave it to him, "do you like it Cathy? What does he call YOU, Cathy?" So I hung up and told Steve, who couldn't care less. The next morning at 4am, he wants sex, I refused, telling him I don't like this guy, think he's a bad influence, he scared me. He flipped, choked me, cutting my lip at the same time, kept letting go, choking, letting go, slammed my head against the wall, asked if I wanted to die, and finally demanded oral sex, saying I better not accuse him (by saying friend was bad influence) of drinking again. So he had been blaming DV on alcohol, now said I made him do it, could make anyone do it, any "normal" guy would beat me, I bring it out in "people". My father never put a hand on my mom, always told my brothers, who would get into typical "boy" shoving matches they better never put there hands on me or any female, so I didn't grow up believing this was in any way normal, but feel guilty leaving him, and don't know if I overreacted to his friend. Please give me advice. Thank you. P.S. I've also never been in an abusive relationship beside this one.
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