He went into a rage again last night. Like always I dont think i did anything to deserve it, i dont know, maybe i did. He says i push him when he's angry and i make him go over the edge. I dont know how i did this when i tried to just go to bed and he came and woke me up and pinned me down and started hitting me. How could i be pushing while i was sleeping? Last weekend i left and went to a friends when he started because he was threatening to kill me again and it only made it worse and my whole house was wrecked when i got home. Broken glass everywhere, holes in the walls and doors. I dont know how much more i can take. I'm covered in bruises and my self esteem is shot. (Not to mention my nerves) He's always calling me lazy and fat. I weigh 140. I know my body's not perfect but no one else seems to think I'm fat. I'm a whore, dumbass, stupid bitch, cunt. You know - the works. I get up at 4am to make him coffee and his lunch. If i'm so lazy why do i do that? Not to mention cook supper, laundry, keep house clean and take care of a 6 year old. He told me he was gonna slit my throat open and make me smile. Thats disturbing i think. I love him though and i know he loves me. He always feels bad for what he has done but then he always finds some way to justify it too. I just dont know if i can take much more and if he would kill me who would take care of my boy? I hate thinking that but i'm scared. I think its only a matter of time.
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