I remebere when i was so close to my brother....He was my hero i looked upto him there was only a few months diffrence between us.....When he choose to walk away because he could not believe what i had revealed it killed a light inside of me.....A light that can never be relight....I can understand why he has in away because i know that i tried to retract what i had said in a letter i said i lied because i was so scared about what peoples reactions were to be i said that i lied about my abuse because i was scared that othere people would get hurt.....I only now no that this as made things twenty times worse....People don't believe me....But I know that i am telling the truth i know i'm actually not lying.....I want people to believe me....My brother has had a baby with his gf know a little girl but he has made it clear that i am the only one on this planet that will never enter her life never have a single thing to do with her....People have said that when he has beeen asked how many siblings he has he says three 1 younger sister 2 brothers....He actually has 4 including me.....He tells people that i am not his sister that i am just some scab a whore not worth nothing not part of his life non exsistent i miss my brother his love the way he always looked out for me and made me feel safe....I miss waking and seeing him he each day but most of all i miss his hugs.....Today is like it has been for 4years an emptyness i wish i could just hug him and cry and say i'm sorry for being absued i never meant to be hurt but thats so unlikely...And he hurts me reacting this way i would rather he just gave me a beating then started again
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