Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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No one to yell....anymore

lkc9528
lkc9528
Hi Im new here and would love some advice if there is anyone else out there who is or has gone through this. I was abused in all ways as a chld starting about 9. Then of course met my controlling abusive husband at 14 and been with him ever since. We have three children together. I left him a year and a half ago and I've been lost ever since.
We always sit and think the abused should just get up and leave dont we? We wonder why they take it for so long dont we?
Well Im 33 now and I have a new home and have my kids. No one to yell at me, cuss at me, scare the hell out me anymore. No more living in fear of making the wrong choices and the consequences that go with. Im allowed to have friends now and a life. So what's the problem right?

Im scared. How do I know when Im messing up if no one yells at me. If Im not being bossed around what choices do I make. My whole life has been controlled. I always thought I would break free one day and it would all magically be better. HELP.. As sick as it is my comfort zone is gone. I only know how function day to day in an abusive environment. I dont know how to do this. I've even had thoughts of going back to him. I guess its kind of like those in prison who never adjust to life on the outside. Thats what it feels like... Anyone have any good advice??? Or been there???
deleted_user
deleted_user
The new, happy life you dreamed about has to be sought out, it is not bestowed upon you. Please don't confuse a bit of sheer loneliness for a need for an abusive home. You have to network..start inviting neighbors over for a cup of coffee..bake some cookies for special children..take courses in adult school. Your worst problem will be finding a babysitter! Don't put this off until the future! Do something positive each day and see how quickly a new life will start! I wish you all the best in your new endeavor!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
i think inside we all know when we messed up or feel we messed up why have someone make us feel worse by compounding it
find new supportive friends
deleted_user
deleted_user
wow . .good for you for leaving. Just focus on you. What do you want out of life? How do you want to raise the kids? These questions are tough one, but if you think about it you can built you
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree. You have already made your life (and your children's lives) much better by getting out of a damaging relationship. Now you just need to get out, make new friends, and learn to feel complete. You have your kids and your entire future in your hands now! That is an amazing thing! Good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
You have to make the uncomfortable comfortable. The life you had before since it started at an early age is all you have known, so it is familiar and "normal" to you. It will take some time and perserverence, but i assure you as you continue to grow in your new life what is uncomfortable now will bring you true peace in the long run. Try and nurture yourself and yoru soul. what do you like to do? what makes you happy? and start doing it. It will take some effort, but if you continue on this path it will get better.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i am new here its ok to be afaird, but now you dont have some one who will hurt u all the time, if u make a mistake, we are human as my grandfather would say that why they have easers on the back of penciles, people make mistakes, getting away was the best thing u could have done. i was with some for 9 months and during that time he was emotionaly abusive to me, i was single after i left him for about a yr when i met my current boyfriend and we r to getter our 3 yrs. am going to send u a message with my story.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Change your way of thinking too hon, so what if you mess up or do the wrong thing? Everybody does and its rarely the end of the world. Try to turn off that voice in your head that tells you you are wrong etc. Good luck and all the best with your new life.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My power in my house went off the other night when the kids were here. The boys were scared. We got a flashlight and went down the basement (me, with my 2-year old in my arms). We tripped around with a flashlight -- I had no idea where the breaker-box was! The boys said, "we should call daddy, he knows where it is." I said, "No, we can do this on our own." After about 10 minutes tripping around and then figuring out which switch was the right one, the lights were back on.
Small feat, but I think you take it step by step and rebuild that faith in yourself.
hockeymom5592
hockeymom5592
Funny you should reference prison, I just said that to someone, that my stbx treated me like a prisoner...You have the wonderful opportunity to create a new "normal" for yourself and your children. Take one thing at a time, and decide how you want that to be, then make it that way. A good counselor can help you. But don't go back. Don't ever go back. You can break this cycle for your children, and give them the happy childhoodthat was denied to you.
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