Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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no empathy = abusive???

deleted_user
deleted_user
Someone else posted about her abuser's lack of empathy. I've noticed this in an abusive partner before, it definitely left a big impression on me. He didn't have empathy for people [not just me]. I always assumed that b/c he'd had a hard life, that he had to have empathy for other's even if he didn't express it.

Do most abusive types have a lack of empathy? [I have run into some that are quite empathetic at times] I think that b/c of my upbringing, i look for this type of person. I'm very independent, and i don't like to be coddled or focused on...

What do you guys think about the connection here? abusers generally lacking empathy for your troubles and/or other ppls troubles. [not even talking about the troubles you have from there abuse here...]
bigguy3
bigguy3
SOME abusers suffer from a personality disorder of one type or another. Narsacisstic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder are classic types where a lack of emapathy and compassion is prevalent.
Loved1
Loved1
I just know this situation I'm in w/ this breakup w/ this person who lacks empathy for me is so destructive because he really doesn't realize I'm not in his boat, and it's so hurtful to go through his emotional rollercoaster and try to come out unscathed. I think sympathy is not necessarily feeling the others feelings like empathy and showing a lack of sympathy for a hurting loved one is indeed I think abusive. It hurts and it has become rather commonplace for me to experience it from my upbringing to my current now exboyfriend, it just hurts and I need to stop involving myself w/ those types. I relate a lot to being independent and so maybe drawing in self centered or neglectful people.
deleted_user
deleted_user
yea i believe that is the case cuz i seen this empathy towards others with my abusive ex and now he that we arent together he is also showing that empathy for me..and like what you said before he wont even show empathy for the abuse he did towards me
deleted_user
deleted_user
Abusers will always have a lack of empathy, but the opposite is not always the case. Some people can have compassion and sympathy without being able to have empathy because they lack any experience outside a sheltered life. Sympathy allows you to feel compassionate and loving towards someone who is going through a problem or trauma, but empathy is something that allows you to get into their situation and feel their pain. Because an abuser has a reality that excludes everyone else's experience, they expect everyone else to feel their pain (i.e. be empathetic towards them) but if someone else is experiencing something outside the realm of their reality, it simply doesn't exist.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you guys for all of your helpful input. I'm trying to figure out different characteristic's of abusive types so that i don't continue on a bad trend. And i'd rather have an idea of it BEFORE i start dating. I've seen so many good beginnings end badly...
i need to learn to filter better =p

Delsconfused,
Your recent post is the one that lead me to this thought here. Like they say,...opposites attract right?hummm...i need to think about this more.

Revpatty, thank you!
that made a LOT of sense to me. Definately describes my last relationship a bit.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have a word for people with lack of empathy, its sociopath, and we need to all stay completely away from them.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband, my abuser, is the same way. If I am crying because of something he said or did, his response is something like "Oh Jesus Christ Jen, what NOW?!" or "WHY are you crying!" or "you did this to yourself",...I dont understand how a person can exist with seemingly NO feelings whatsoever. He is so focused on himself, his career, what "other" people think of him, I just cant believe it either. It doesnt seem real.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Revpatty... What you said is so true, "an abuser has a reality that excludes everyone else's experience". My STBX could never understand anyone else's experience. And if he didn't understand it, it didn't exist.

I think another key trait that abusers have is denial. They deny the truth and convince themselves that they are right and can justify anything they do.
deleted_user
deleted_user
thank you bejamun... i always thought of a sociopath as no remorse/regrets for actions. It definitely puts a more serious spin on this trait.

Baybrat,...i did notice this with my ex. He felt that he was constantly abused by ex g/f's and thus justified in his actions.

i was told that i assulted him, in reality i bumped into him trying to walk by him. I've been secretly feeling very guilty about this... =/
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