As I write this, the source of my stress and mental malfunction is sleeping in the next room. Its a sick feeling when part of you is relieved to be writing something and the other part keeps looking over your shoulder to make sure he doesnt walk in the room. I have been in a relationship with man for almost two years and I love him dearly. But I cannot stand the way he treats me sometimes. It is amazing how erratic the episodes are. One day he loves me so much that he could never live without me, and the next we are fighting like cats and dogs. I buy/give/do everything I could for him and he repays me by overdrafting my bank account to gamble, yelling at me for things I have no control over and telling me to shut up and get out of his life. This is only the tip of the iceburg, but honestly I dont even know where to begin. He has never put a hand on me, but honestly there are nights when I wish he would because I would rather realize the pain physically than be in such mental torment. I want things to work with this man, but am i just the worlds biggest idiot?
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