Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I'm not really sure what I'm looking for but I'm hoping that this community can help me.
I'm not your average 24 year old, but then I guess 'normal' is a relative term. I've been with my guy for almost seven years and have only recently come to realize that I've been a victim of verbal abuse bordering physical and sexual abuse. It had been one of those things always there but not right up front and noticeable. I left him for a month last year and then went back to him when he said he would do all the things I required. I said he had to get on anti-depressants (I was pretty sure that he had depression and anxiety), go to therapy and clean up his act. He started to but then we got in a car accident that has left me with ongoing problems to this day. Our lives had to change with the demands for all my medical appointments and inability to do things that I was no longer able to do. We got hit when a car tried to pass us on the right (we were in the left hand lane going the same direction), slid on ice, lost control and side swiped us and then hit us in the front. I was the passenger in the vehicle hit. Ever since then, I have been partially handicapped with having pain and problems on the right side of my body from the jaw down to my lower back. His abuse became more and more noticeable when I was basically home bound. He started freaking out when I talked to guy friends, he hated my family and was upset whenever I talked to them. He canceled plans to meet with friends that we hadn't seen in months. He got angry when I wasn't physically able to deal with intimacy. I started to see a whole different side of him. I started realizing that my sleeping became almost non-existent. My eating went out the door. I wasn't healing and had doctors asking me what my home life was like. It took a friend telling me that I was withering away right before their eyes to realize that I was in a bad situation. After taking a small step back, all I was able to do, I started to make plans. I spent my entire savings on a ticket to visit my family. I looked into dissolving the marriage (available to me since I don't have any kids) and started the paperwork. I was unable to finish it before I left to visit my family but he seems to think that we're gonna be together when I back. He sends me four emails everyday and they go from romantic to whining about me not responding. I've only responded to ones that make a difference, such as a medical thing or anything about my cat. I am still going through with the divorce, 4k miles hasn't changed my mind. I guess I want to know.. does it get easier to ignore the guilt you feel after you've decided to leave and move on with your life? And does anyone have any tips on things I could do to help me through it? I would really appreciate it. Thanks and have a wonderful holiday!
I'm not your average 24 year old, but then I guess 'normal' is a relative term. I've been with my guy for almost seven years and have only recently come to realize that I've been a victim of verbal abuse bordering physical and sexual abuse. It had been one of those things always there but not right up front and noticeable. I left him for a month last year and then went back to him when he said he would do all the things I required. I said he had to get on anti-depressants (I was pretty sure that he had depression and anxiety), go to therapy and clean up his act. He started to but then we got in a car accident that has left me with ongoing problems to this day. Our lives had to change with the demands for all my medical appointments and inability to do things that I was no longer able to do. We got hit when a car tried to pass us on the right (we were in the left hand lane going the same direction), slid on ice, lost control and side swiped us and then hit us in the front. I was the passenger in the vehicle hit. Ever since then, I have been partially handicapped with having pain and problems on the right side of my body from the jaw down to my lower back. His abuse became more and more noticeable when I was basically home bound. He started freaking out when I talked to guy friends, he hated my family and was upset whenever I talked to them. He canceled plans to meet with friends that we hadn't seen in months. He got angry when I wasn't physically able to deal with intimacy. I started to see a whole different side of him. I started realizing that my sleeping became almost non-existent. My eating went out the door. I wasn't healing and had doctors asking me what my home life was like. It took a friend telling me that I was withering away right before their eyes to realize that I was in a bad situation. After taking a small step back, all I was able to do, I started to make plans. I spent my entire savings on a ticket to visit my family. I looked into dissolving the marriage (available to me since I don't have any kids) and started the paperwork. I was unable to finish it before I left to visit my family but he seems to think that we're gonna be together when I back. He sends me four emails everyday and they go from romantic to whining about me not responding. I've only responded to ones that make a difference, such as a medical thing or anything about my cat. I am still going through with the divorce, 4k miles hasn't changed my mind. I guess I want to know.. does it get easier to ignore the guilt you feel after you've decided to leave and move on with your life? And does anyone have any tips on things I could do to help me through it? I would really appreciate it. Thanks and have a wonderful holiday!
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
It helped me to better understand verbal abuse, as well as physical.
You deserve better. You can not change ppl. Oneday maybe he will look into getting himself some help, but there's nothing more you can do for him. I went through something a bit like this, and it just slowly got worse and worse. There are good ppl out there who want to treat you well. You deserve it.
First off, CONGRATULATIONS for getting out and getting far away. That is usually the hardest step. My advice: Read EVERYTHING you can on emotional abuse. Your STBEX sounds a lot like mine. He was very "under handed" in his abuse. It took it's toll on me, but I am out too. Talk talk talk. If you can get to therapy, GO. If not, get as many books as you can. Also, www.YouAreNotCrazy.com is a good site and a great reminder that you are getting past this.
DON'T FEEL GUILTY! You tried. You loved him. It's OVER. Start making new plans for YOU and don't allow the guilt to take hold of you. It does no good to rehash the past.
Here's a tip too. When you start dating again (this happened to me!) If the guy you find yourself suddenly attracted to feels like you've "known him all your life" RUN THE OTHER WAY. Chances are the familiarity you feel is just a repeat of your abusive relationship. Be very aware of this. This past year I went thru that and fortunately read up enough on emotional abuse to realize what was happening before it got "serious". Just a heads up. (A great source for self esteem and dating again is www.DatingWithoutDrama.com)
Anyway, GOOD LUCK. CELEBRATE YOU! You are beginning your new life! CONGRATULATIONS~!!
So Issue 1- he is abusive,
This is his to deal with - he may learn, he may never change. You cannot change him.
Issue 2: Guilt. He had a chance to change, agreed to take help and change, and has not.
So release the guilt - easier said than done - I found that by listening to other people's views and opinions and insights in what my relationship had seemed like to other people really helped here. It happened over time.
Issue3. Your healing, youmay find you are nervous in many situations,and triggers emerge that at first you don't understand, but then you get to realised what they are related to. Again therapy helps here. But you can self help by being aware and thinking about it at the time of triggering.
Issue 4 What other people think - your family, his family, your friends, his friends, both your friends. You have to deal with their reacions - some will be positive and helpful, and others narrow minded and quick to make assumptions.
Issue 5 His reaction- threats, whining, not fair, blackening your name, etc. I don't know what his reaction will be but 4000k sounds a very sensible gap. Keep it if you can.
The main thing,is your safety and your mental balance. Believe me these people have a true way of under mining you. And only a few years later do you see what rubbish was tipped on you and how totally wrong it was.
Good luck, stick to your guns, you have done the hardest bit. And you are (believe it or not) young enough to create a new life for yourself and live it happily. xxxGood luckxxx
A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55
mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at
him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years,
but, I want a divorce."
The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60
mph.
She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of
it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend,
and he's a much better lover than you."
Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his
anger increases.
She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up,
and now is doing 70 mph.
She says, "I want the kids, too."
The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's
up to 80 mph.
She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the
credit cards, too."
The husband slowly starts to veer toward
a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything
you want?"
The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."
She asks, "What's that?"
The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph,
"I've got the airbag!"