Hello, I'm a "newbie" here. I'm a SAHM, un-married w/one toddler who is my world/life and soul.
My child's Father is controlling, mentally and emotionally abusive. He's never out-right hit me, but he has pushed me about 3 times and once a few weeks ago we were arguing b/c I found-out he was still smoking marijuana after saying he wasn't, he was enraged, (it doesn't take much these days) and took a running leap at me, trying to kick me in my head, luckily I have very fast reflexes and moved slightly to the right and missed it, he was going so fast and kicking so hard I believe that if he did kick me in the head I would've been seriously injured, thank-God I wasn't. He wants me to sit-back and agree with everything he says, never call him out on his bad actions/behavior, not work, have not life but to serve him, we haven't even slept in the same bed for about 8 mos., I sleep on the couch b/c I can't stand to be around him, we've had "relations" only like 3 times in 3 years, which is more than fine by me. I call our "relationship" the "great, big nothing" to myself b/c that's what it is. I guess that makes it even more obvious that him wanting to be w/me is all about control, b/c now, well now there isn't romance or even really love, although he tells me everyday, it's very annoying. I've been sending out resumes like crazy in order to get a job. My "plan" is to hopefully get a job here soon, get a car (I'm driving one of his right now), and one day shortly after take-off from work and move a few things (only the very important things like heirlooms, clothes and toys and my child's bed, I'll buy furniture later) to a new place. But my questions are how much of a chance would I have in securing a order of protection do you think I would have? He's very threating and I'm positive he'll lose his mind when/if we ever get out, he can't know where our new place is, he's told me in the past that he would break-in a kill me with a smile on his face, and when I reacted shocked he just laughed and said he was kidding, but I know he's not. He's told me he'll call cps and make-up lies to try to get my child taken-away from me, (I'm a great Mom, dont' even drink, and NEVER spank). But it still scares me, who knows what he's capable of? He's told me MANY times that "We're together for life whether you like it or not"..........................
Whenever there's stories on the news about men killing wives/gf's or them missing and it's obvious it's the Husband/BF he'll always defend the GUY, saying "she was probably a bitch", etc. I'm terrified that if we finally leave him he'll find us, I'm scared I won't get a Judge to grant me an order of protection, I'm scared he'll try to take my child away or get visititation, but I've heard it's in my favor that we're not married and that he uses drugs. And I also just found-out that he has 2 outstanding warrants for DWI'S!! 2! And I also think he has another one for a joint in the past and at least one for not showing-up to court for a car accident he caused.
About 6 months ago I was applying for jobs and got a TON of calls/interviews, but he made it so hard for me even to interview I unfortunatly gave-up. Now, I'm not getting ANY calls, I can't believe it, it's weird, but I'm not giving-up, someone will call eventually.
He's insisted for the past couple of months that we are going to the state that his Mom lives in to visit, we live pay check to pay check, and can't afford it at all, and we don't get a long for more than 5 min. either. I told him the other day that we weren't going in January, he wen't nuts verbally on me, I was about to go buy food w/our child he told me "If you dont' say were still going you aren't taking your car, I'm taking it and you guys can take the bus".....mind-you it's cold and raining and we never take the bus, and can't bring bags home on it. I ended up agreeing with him and left. He makes me sick. He also said, "I will take (child) down there" "You can't hold him hostage!" What?!!? He couldn't just take my child on a trip out of state w/out me, right? The child is a baby, I won't have my child out of my sight, and my child wouldn't bear-it and shouldn't and WON'T. I wrote his Mom an email this weeked (we're fairly close) FINALLY for the first-time telling her (or anyone for that matter) about how he treats me, she and his whole family know how he is and have been through a TON w/him and his past drug-problems, etc. She called the next morning after getting it and was VERY supportive, and her Husband got on the phone and told me he loved me and they would always be there for me, and we're on my side and know how he is. His Mom even suggested getting protective-order when I was ready to leave him. I did however tell her there was no way she could bring-up my email or our conversation that it could be potentially dangerous for us. She said OK. I believe her. But we'll see. He'd been telling me for about a year in our argugments that he was going to make her hate him, (he was/is threatened by our relationship), repeating very innocous things I had said, totally changing my words and the context and saying he was going to tell her such and such, all the while smirking evilly, I really believed he had done it, he repeatedly threated these same things over and over for the past year. So I brought that up in my email to his Mom, she said that he'd never said anything to her, but I don't know if I really believe her. Who knows. About 2 weeks ago he calls me up from work saying, "I've got a great suprise for you when we go to (state his Mom lives in, mind-you no tickets have been purchased, etc. bizarre). My Mom has called the JP and is setting-up a date for us to get married". He sounded so nervous, I told him, "No way, we are VERY far from ever getting married, are you kidding? And besides a set-up wedding w/a JP is NOT something you "surprise" someone with! HE was hurt, etc. Whatever. When I spoke w/his Mom she said that he told her a couple of days ago to call me and ASK me WHY I didn't want to marry him! WHAT?!!!? He knows darn-well why! He's a jerk who treats me like crap. I think he was emabarassed for his Mom to know that I don't want to marry him and wanted her to think that there would be absolutely no reason on his part for me not wanting to, like it's a great mystery. Ya' know?
Sorry, I've written a novel, but as a "Newbie" I felt I had to give a lot of information/background. Any advice/support will be GREATLY appreciated and listened to. :)