i started to get depressed at age 15. at 17 i was diagnosed with having an 'anxiety disorder.' i thought that that was it, thats what was wrong with me...i was so confused for so long. at about age 28 i started to figure it all out. i thought 'i have the right to my own life, my own opinions,' noone is just born defective with anxiety disorder....my family is so controlling and strict, i was always forced to be someone i wasnt. i started to think about my father, and i realised i have carried his baggage my whole life, my whole family has - my dad is manipulative, sarcastic, pessimistic, negative, constatly puts down everyone..and he yells, hes like a rottweiler...has to have so many ppl around him to carry his ego. i started to read about all of this and realised its abuse. he has undermined me my whole life and taken away my power. i have tried to stay strong for yrs and deal with the truth, while making myself better, and its so hard...i had a long term relationship from age 23 to 27, with a man exactly like my father, plus this guy was also sexually and physically abusive. ive been single pretty much since then, and ive just turned 31....i always felt deep shame for being single...but now i want to get back into a relationship...but i feel so weird and low in self confidence being this age and single, where are all the ppl? i feel a bit isolated from the community....surely i deserve a decent partner? i still have silly thoughts like im being punsihed and will be single forever now, but i think that cant be true.
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