He isn't right. I don't care what he said..he's wrong. The only reason your boy is as good as he is is because YOU are as good as you are! Do you really think he got that sweet personality from your abuser? Think again!

You are good enough. Now repeat. "I am good enough" "I am good enough" You can do this millions of us do this and it's infinitely easier to be single than to be with a looser.
I hope you are or will get into therapy and/or support. Your self esteem could use a shining up.

I totally agree. He has undermined you, and now you will balance up and find out your good points, and soon know that so much of what he said was not true. Been there, done that, and what an eye opener. Your son will be fine and your relationship with him will be better without the stress of him being around. x

I'm a little concerned by this statement ruby:

"I am relieved his dad may be leaving"

What exactly does that mean and how did this turn in events come about?

I am rooting for you and hope this is true. Please get the locks on your home changed immediately after he leaves.

You have got to have faith in yourself ruby.

None of us is perfect and we all make mistakes in the parenting game. Don't let the brain washing of your stbx eat away at your own innate abilities to mother your child.

If he's abusive, and I'm guessing that he is based on your bio, than I think his leaving will be good for you and your child.

I recently left a verbally abusive marriage. I faced the same what if's? IMO, I am much better off. Screwing up is always a possibility and can happen to us all. I think you'll grow and become more confident w/o his abuse and your child won't witness that destructive behavior. All the best to you.

well... you can begin by having faith. Faith that you have free will, as well as your son does too.
your son could grow up to hate you. That is a possibility. But it won't be because of anything you do or don't do.
you will be a better mom by getting rid of hte abuser.
I will tell you about when my mom left my dad... well, for a while i was confused, but i loved my mom, and well, i moved in with my dad when i was in my early teenage years, and within a few years i saw the true person my dad was... and guess what, i went back to the loving arms of my mother.
think on that one.

You are a good mom. The biggest reason that I know this is because YOU are making the right decision of removing your son from growing up thinking what you are going through is the way things are supposed to be. Your son might be angry with you, but that doesn't mean you are a bad mom, it just means that he doesn't really understand. It would be good to get the both of you into counseling. Cling to your son, show him that you love him and you will get through this. We are all here for you.

My stbx keeps trying to buy more time to stay with us. I want him to leave and but am worried about him. I know he will be homeless when he leaves. I feel sorry for him, but love shouldnt hurt. Every time he gets mad he reminds me of why I want him to leave. This morning my stbx got mad at me for not washing out some milk from a container. He said see this is why I cant trust you. You are still leave maggoty disgusting crap around. You cant take care of him. I told him I do and he said No you dont He just txt me to say he will be back to the house to pickup some things and he will go. I dont really think he is leaving. I think it is all false hope. Love shouldnt hurt. He gave me the sob story and told me how much he loved and appreciated me. This is so confusing. I stayed up late last night crying. I felt so guilty for wanting to leave. I felt like I should tell him we should try again, but I didnt. I did however break down and tell him I loved him. I shouldnt have. I think that is why he is trying to buy more time. I think every time I tell him I have feelings for him it makes him want to stay. I feel bad my stbx will be on the streets and may never see his son again, but I cant take care of him for the rest of my life. He told me how he loved me and how everyday he would wait for me to come home. He said he was nothing without me. He really made me feel like this was all my fault. I know he loves his son. Yes he can be a good father, but love shouldnt hurt. Until he truly believes that there is no justification for violence he will never begin to change.

we are already corresponding privately, so i will just show what his current tactics are.
Undermining confidence - The milk in the bottle. Inflating a small indiscrepancy which would be taken care before you were able to so that you would believe that you can't handle the child on your own.
Guilt-trip - by saying he is going ot be homeless.
Appealing - saying that he loves you while you are kicking him out so that you will take pity.

He just txt me to say he left.... but I dont' know if its true. I will
get home at lunch to see if he is gone. I will also stop by after work to see if he is still gone and have the locks changed.

Jimmy, every word you spoke about his tactics are true. Its just hard for me to believe he would do this to me. His tactics are true and they work better than he can ever imagine. This time though I have my DS friends for support and my son to think about first and foremost.

He wants you to fail so you need him to come back so he can contine abusing you.....What do you want? Whatever that is, go with it...dont value the opinion of an abusive man. One thing I have learned is that abusive me ARE NOT good fathers...if they were, they would not abuse their own flesh and bloods mother. Stand your ground.

Thank you Try I really appreciate your advice on standing my own ground. That is really hard for me to do right now. I just keep telling him I want him to leave