Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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My Roommates Boyfriend Threatened Me

I'm a 27 year old male and have been living with a female friend, Erin for the past year and a half. We are halfway through our lease at a 2nd apartment. 3 months ago I had a terrible car accident that totaled my vehicle. Luckily I didn't roll my car and wasn't injured. I called Erin for help and she explained that she was on a first date with someone and that I should call a cab. I lost it and started screaming and swearing at her. I learned all I needed to know about our friendship. The day after that I suggested that I move out but we agreed to try things for a month.

A couple weeks into that month Erin flipped out at me for recycling a shampoo bottle that was sitting on a cutting board that I was using. She was pissed because she wanted to keep the bottle and that I was touching her stuff. That incident turned into a huge fight and she went to her new boyfriend, Joshua to cry about it.

A couple weeks after that incident, I was returning to the apartment after being out of town for the weekend. Erin and Joshua were there and looked extremely hung over. The place was a mess, dishes were everywhere, they had eaten a bunch of my food and drank all of my beer. I asked Erin where my food and beer were and she apologized for her and Joshua consuming them. At that point Joshua got pissed at me and got in my face about why I was making a big deal about the food and beer and also about why he has heard so many horrible stories from Erin about how bad I treat her. He threatened to kick my ass if he ever hears about me mistreating her ever again. Erin did nothing to stop this confrontation and started crying. I was about to lose it so I just removed myself from the situation and went for a walk.

The next day I moved out and have been sleeping on my brothers couch ever since. I assured Erin that we would figure out the lease. I found out the landlord doesn't allow subleasing and asked Erin how she felt about taking over the lease. She was unwilling to take over the lease and I explained that if I was going to continue paying rent I might have to move back. I explained that after what happened, I didn't feel safe around her boyfriend and asked her if they could spend time at his apartment rather than ours. She was livid about this request and demanded that she has a right to have her boyfriend at the apartment. I then asked if she would at least let me know when he is coming over so I can leave because I fear for my safety when he is around. She was unwilling to do this as well. She is furious with me for moving out and is being an absolute bitch because of it. She won't take over the lease, won't work with me at all, and has been vocal about the fact that she doesn't want me to come back.

I've paid 3 months rent at the apartment since I moved out and have 5 months left on our lease. I've driven by the place several times and her boyfriend's car is parked out front constantly and sometimes doesn't move for days. He basically bullied me out of the apartment and moved in and I am stuck paying the rent. I don't know why Erin is so pissed at me for moving out when I'm continuing to pay the rent. She's even gone so far to threaten to call the police if I were to ever randomly show up, as well as take me to court if I were to stop paying my half of the rent.

I've mentioned this whole matter to the landlord and he says the issue is between Erin and I and that he will not get involved.

Am I out of line for thinking this is absolute fucking bullshit? Does anybody have any suggestions about what to do?



Nope, its bs. That was really mean of her not 2 come when u were n ur accident!!! She sounds like a loon. Did u sign a contract with her or the apartment?

it's completel bullshit! you are pretty much paying for that jack ass to live there/ you're paying the rent but not supposed to live there? she has no right to get back if you wanna go back there. it's your place too seeing that you're paying for it.

don't let that crazy b*tch and her asshole boyfriend scare you or walk all over you. stand up for yourself. move back in until the lease is up, and don't let them get in your way.

also talk to a lawyer about this. i don't know much about this stuff but i know that if you are stuck paying and there is no way out, you might as well move back in, get your moneys worth, and don't take their crap.

BE THE BOSS! lol. don't let people treat you that way. it is bullshit.

I agree. Talk to a lawyer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heres what I would do:

1) Have a copy of your lease handy. Look it over.

2) Keep any copies of threatening texts/emails/voicemails.

3) If you dont have a copy of anything, I would send Erin an E-mail or text in order to elicit a response from her. Let her know that you cant keep paying rent on a place where you cant reside due to xs threats and that you wont keep doing it. Hopefully she sends you a so sad, too bad or worse response back to you. Keep it.

4) Take a couple big burly friends with you to your apartment. Go into your apartment, have them wait out in the hall with your key. Take a mini tape recorder, or use your phone to record any threats. If they are there and just ignore you, then I would goad them a little by becoming irate and saying something like Geeze, this place is a dump. Dont you two ever do anything besides make a mess? Keep going on until x gets angry and starts threatening you. Make sure you keep any comments to them as factual as possible. Do not raise your voice, yell, or threaten them in any way. Just kick up a fuss, pretend to be their mother! Record any threats. Let them keep going on towards you until they start getting into your face. Call in your friends to witness. They should immediately back off. And you now have witnesses you can use in any MN conciliation court case you may have in the future. Immediately after leaving, file a restraining order, have your friends be witnesses to "x's" behavior.

5) Install a key lock on your bedroom door and make sure your valuables are locked inside.

6) Take pictures of the entire apartment before you leave.

7) Write a letter to Erin, and send a copy to x at your address. Send them both certified, return-receipt requested. Write that the current situation is unacceptable and illegal. Write that you and Erin are the sole legal tenants in the apt., not x and that he has no legal right to be there. (Most leases have verbiage in them that people not on a lease that reside there a certain number of days must be added to the lease or are in violation of the lease agreement, check your lease.) State a time period, such as 7 days from the receipt of this letter that x has to completely and permanently remove himself from the premises. Write that if he should fail to do this, further legal action will be taken. Write that the condition and contents of the apartment was recorded and that the apartment is expected to be left in good condition with no contents that belong to you taken from the premises.

8) On day 8, go back to your apartment. If x is still there, call the police, sheriff, etc. Hopefully you will have a restraining order at this time, show a copy to law enforcement. Worst case scenario, have a copy of your lease agreement with you, show them that x is not a legal tenant, have them remove him from the premises. Write a complaint at that time about his behavior towards you.

ehope! love it! i'm glad to see i'm not the only one who thinks like that! defnitely, without a doubt, absolute, 100% BULLSHIT! that's crap, fn stupid. i like ehope's way, sounds concrete and to the point. she's right. there is not a hope in hell i would pay the rent to have her shittyass boyfriend live there on your coin! as for your crappy landlord, him saying its between you two, what a cop out. you have rights, you have the right to feel safe in your own home. you have the right to have the lease protect you and not just make you vulnerable. ehope is right..there is always a clause about having someone else staying over too many nights. if there is a clause about no subletting, then there is a clause for no additions to the lease i'm sure.
do what ehope said..she's right on the money! right on the money!
take back your control!
best wishes!!

Lol, gogo, thx!

Crappy landlords will always say there's nothing they can do. The landlord wants to keep you there scare you into continuing to pay rent.

Recently my daughter was in a domestic situation at her apt that she had recently leased with her bf of 3 years. He decided to lay hands on her about a month into their lease.

She tried to negotiate with the landlord, also getting the standard line "there's nothing we can do, you have a lease for 10 1/2 more months." Then they had the audacity to mail her a letter that basically told her that she was "using" domestic battery to get out of the lease!!!

We moved her out, wrote a "lease break" letter, giving a 30-days-to-vacate notice to the landlord. They came and did an apt inspection and told her she was going to have to pay for a horrendous amt of things...the apt was in decent shape, since we had cleaned thoroughly the day before.

Guess what...they had the rental re-leased on day 31. And she got her full security deposit back. Guess who got a nasty letter? Yup, that's right, the leasing company after she got her next apartment.

I have a mind to post the letter on the internet in it's entirety so that potential renters know what type of management they are dealing with there. Truth is always a defense to libel!

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