my dad was not a dad in my eyes at least not to me. he never showed me love or affection and he was always out to hate me. all i ever wanted was for him to love me as his child is that so muich to ask for i didn't think it was at that time and 12 years later i still don't think it was a lot to ask for, i mean parents are suppose to love their children right? i think so i mean i would love my children. wouldn't you? anyways he was not a father to me he was to my brothers and to my sisters not to me . i think maybe because he was mad that i was born like he told me more then once or maybe that i was the last and i craved to be held and huged i mean wat child dosn't want that. i know i wanted that more then anything. when my mom left us in 1992 my dad took it very hard and turned to drugs and alchol which made him become even more abusive toward me only this time my mom was not their to help me my brother did a lot which is wat i am thankful for i owe my brother my life. he saved my life more then once. my dad was a very mean drunk he would push us all around and when my mom came back in 1995 she told him that he had to clean up his act and get some help and he did that lasted for about a year then he stoped going to get help and he got violent again which scared all of us only this time he didn't stop with just my brothers and me he started hitting my mom and that was the worst i hated seeing him hit her. it killed me and wat was worse is that i couldn't do anything to help her that when on until 2000 when he drank himself to death then everything stoped but i still carry the guilt and shame till this day just wishing there was something i could have done.
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