
Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

deleted_user
I FEEL AS IF I AM COMING TO TERMS WITH AN ABUSIVE MARRIAGE.I SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING MORE OFTEN THAN NOT.
WHAT HAS ME PERPLEXED IS, NOW THAT I'VE HAD ENOUGH, WHY AM I FILLED WITH PITY TOWARD THIS LOSER? WHY DO I FEEL NOW THAT HE IS THE ONE THAT LOVED AND LOST????????/
WHAT HAS ME PERPLEXED IS, NOW THAT I'VE HAD ENOUGH, WHY AM I FILLED WITH PITY TOWARD THIS LOSER? WHY DO I FEEL NOW THAT HE IS THE ONE THAT LOVED AND LOST????????/
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It's happening because you have regained a sense of self and you now see him differently. You are looking at him not as a victim, but rather as a woman whom he has tortured and tried to break. Kind of suprising how much it hurts isn't it. All i wanted to do was wrap my arms around my ex and comfort him like a child. PLEASE Di, resist that urge. These are not children. They recognize their loss, but what they see when they look at us is a target. That maybe they didn't do enough, beat enough, degrade enough, humiliate enough; do enough of whatever it would take to bring us "back into line". Honey they don't think like us and they never will. What you feel in your heart right now is pity - not love. Watch out for how far it takes you when it comes to him. Don't be so wrapped up in feeling sorry for him that you leave yourself unprotected.
I think it is just the nature of the situation. This whole process is hell I swear I think it would have been easier to just take the beating keep my mouth shut, heal and stay.
At least I knew what to expect, now since I left all the different and strange emotions and people in my life it is all so scarey
But normal and expected
Hang in there I am believing it will get better
When I left my ex, he turned so pathetic and pitiful it was hard. Before I left, I spent time telling myself that everything was going to be "my fault" (according to him) and that he was going to try everything from abusive violence to pathetic whimpering to get me back. I wasn't prepared for how bad the pathetic was going to be that I almost caved in, so I really know where you are. I was assured by my counselor and later by research that the remorse and pathetic "act" is all part of the abuser's attempt to get control of you. He knows how compassionate you are and how much you hate to see anyone suffer, so he is tapping into you there.
Yes, he is the one that loved and lost, but he brought it all on himself. you both lost love, but if there is no accountablility or consequences for actions, then it is not love, it is abuse.
Good for you for recognizing how you feel. Its a positive step towards moving forward and healing. Guilt was a big reason I kept going back to my stbx. This time though I am not letting it stop me from moving forward. I can do this. We can do this.
My stbx had every opportunity to stop his behavior, but because he can't he has lost his son and myself. I do pity him. He is loosing his family.
I think I'm one of those people that has always felt sorry and thought I could fix things. But you can't help or fix people that don't want it.
That's why you and I are in this situation because we pity them thus sympathizing with them, which ultimately is accepting their bad behaviour.
So don't give in to your pity.