I guess I am not sure what I am asking for sure, but I will try. I ended up getting pregnant after a gang rape. My boyfriend participated and allowed his friends to do the same. 4 months went by and things between my boyfriend and I had seemed to get better (the hitting and the choking seemed to be less), we had gotten engaged and were excited to start a family together. One night he came home all pissed off at me, really for no reason. He started yelling at me about what a huge slut I am and how he was sick of me sleeping around. He was really upset that I didnt know who the father was and that it probably wasnt him. He pushed me down the flight of stairs and as I tried to crawl away he grabbed me by the throat. I remember passing out. I dont remember what else he ended up doing to me, and truthfully I dont want to know. I had started cramping, but didnt think anything of it until two days later when the pain was unbearable. I ended up having a miscarriage. In my mind I knew that it was because of what happened that night. I try not to think about it, but I could have done something to protect my child. After the event I could have gone to a doctor to see if my child was ok. I feel like I murdered my own child. The emotions of that whole event came rushing back to me when mothers day came and passed. Its hard for me when I see my mom giving my sisters mothers day gift because they are mothers, but I dont even get a happy mothers day. It shouldnt be a big deal ... but in a way I feel like a mother. I feel like I had lost what would have been a perfect little child. I should have been a mom. Maybe I am just crazy or too emotional, but for some reason it still hurts. I never really was able to get over the death, because at the time I wasnt allowed to be sad or cry. I am just having a hard time living my life now thinking of myself as a murderer. It truely breaks my heart, and I dont know if I will ever be able to get over it.
Posts You May Be Interested In
Hi all! This is for those of you that have or have had the same neurologist for 4 years or more. I have been with mine now since 2009. He is one of the best movement disorder secialists in the midwest. I know he is extremely busy on the lecture circuit now and in fact not taking new patients there is a huge waiting list for him. BUT.... I feel like my visits are not what they use to be. He...
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...