Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
It has been a while, but I am back (under a new name). I was a DS member for a couple of months and then my husband found me and read EVERYTHING that I had written about him and about how I felt about it. I dont know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. He approached me as soon as he read everythinghe cried and cried. I didnt know what to do. I told him flat out that we either needed to end our marriage now or start counseling. He has gone to 1 appointment with me and said he wont go back until I get help for the issues I am holding onto and not letting go. He says once I let go of the past abuse then we can work on our marriage. He has been going to group therapy for almost a year now and he claims he is 60% better. I do see a substantial change in him, but it is not gone completely or even enough for me and that is what scares me the most.will the demon come back and if so how bad? I ended up seeing a new counselor and in the first appointment alone she advised that I show signs of PTSD and that I should continue therapy. She asked what I wanted out of life and I said I want to live every day free of anxiety and fear of what he could do or what he might say. I missed all the support that I was receiving from everyone here and I wanted to come back, even though he told me dont you dare go back on that site to the hags that just want to bash me. The way I look at it is the truth hurts and he must be afraid that I will find the strength to fulfill his biggest fear of me leaving. I missed you all and to my friends I had, I am sorry that I abruptly disappeared and I will figure a way to let you know who I was.
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Stay strong and many hugs.
I'm glad you disobeyed his wishes and are hanging out with us 'hags' again ;)
I have to say, I hate that line. The one that says you have to fix what he broke. You have to forget all the horrible things he has done in the past, and pretend they never happen, and ignore even the stuff that is still going on. Then and ONLY then will he make any effort at all.
Yup, all you have to do to save your marriage is fly to the moon and back. Don't expect him to help you, or give you any support of any kind during this short trip - not like it's a big ask or anything. And why should HE make any effort until AFTER you have done this little thing? Ugh. Telling you what you are allowed to feel, think or even remember is ongoing abuse and failure to take responsibility in my view (just call me hag lol).
Another thing to consider is that a relationship can be so destroyed by abuse that there is no longer any trust. If you are going to spend the rest of your life wondering when/if it's all going to happen again, that is not a relationship. And if that's going to happen, then despite what he tells you, it is NOT YOUR FAULT. He abused you. It's NOT your fault that you can't just forget all of that and believe he'll never do it again. Particularly since, as you say, "it is not gone completely". Less abusive is not abuse free. You deserve to be free of abuse, period.
Also, telling you where you are allowed to receive support is abusive.
I am SO glad you are seeing a counsellor, and I am SO glad you are back here. Take good care, and work on what you need.
You ask:
.will the demon come back and if so how bad?
Hon ----- the demon isn't gone.
About six things you've shared in your one paragraph
are indicators of an abuser gone manipulative, not
gotten healed. (Abusers HATE to LOSE THEIR
VICTIMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
How bad will he come back?
As soon as he feels you're recaptured
the demon will return with a vengance.
Uppity victims who protest being abused
and attempt an escape WILL BE PUNISHED.
You are right to be skeptical.
Your gut knows the truth.
By the way ----- what's 60 percent not abusive?
Sounds to me like being 40 percent abusive
is still a violation of his marriage vows. Five
percent would be, but might be worth a second
chance. Forty? Hmmm. Let's see.
(Thinking, thinking, thinking. . . . . .) Naaaahhhh.
signed
One Mostly-Healed and Awesomely Happy HAG