Okay, I know I have vented in other forums before but it is very upsetting to me so here I go again. My ex has been physically and verbally abusive to me for the past several years. Most of this was during times of addiction relapses or binges when he isn't using he is usually a great guy and we get along pretty well. The last time he used and abused he threatened me and my family including a threat to kidnap our daughter. To protect myself I took an EPO out on him and when he FINALLY appears in court he tells the judge how he has a drug problem and wants help. The judge tells him how proud of him she is and that he needs to go to classes 4 times a week. I agree he needs NA/AA classes but I have heard this outcry for help more than once so I am less likely to believe him again. So the judge ask me to open my home up to him once a week for visitiation with our daughter and supervise that visitation because it is important for them to have a relationship...which I agree so I let him visit in my home, since I know it's a safe enviornment, once a week. She also ordered me to Al-Anon classes twice a week and a domestic violence class once a week. I know that these would be beneficial but in all honesty I am having a very difficult time adhereing to the ruling. Being a single mother (I have a 2 & 10 yr old) it's just hard to fit it in between homework, basketball practice, dinner, academic team practice, games, school, baths, housework and my career. And not to mention that my family lives an hour away so I need to find a babysitter who can watch my kids three days a week...nearly impossible! Actually, that is my biggest issue I NEVER have a babysitter...NEVER! So, last week while I am sitting in my living room playing with my daughter I hear a knock at my door. Lo and behold...it's the police. The same police who couldn't find my ex to searve him with an EPO, the same police who it took three days for them to come by and take a police report after I called and told them my ex held a gun on me (they actually told me I didn't need to file a report, which I learned wasn't true), yes it was that police serving me telling me I was in contempt of court for not following the judges orders. Yes, yes I understand this is the price I pay for having someone pull a gun on me and pin me down and throw me around the living room by my hair. And yes I know that even though I am left holding all the bags of financial worries and daily duties that I still need to find time to participate in these classes. And don't get me wrong I think that these classes are extremely important and helpful which is why I'm in an online group of Alanon and I am in a couple of discussion groups for violence and family issues. I just think that if I am going to be punished for asking for protection it would make me think twice about asking ever again. And to boot...he hasn't been to a class since the first week and he hasn't been summonsed back to court for contempt. HOW IS THAT JUSTICE OR EVEN FAIR FOR THAT MATTER!!!
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