Hi. My name is Sandy. Its nearly 1 am, and like almost everynight since I left my fiance, I cant sleep. I am full of anxiety, doubt. My mind is always on, asking why? why? How could I love a man so deeply, and possibly still do (?)....I feel like Im at the end of my life, trying to grasp at who I used to be. Or figure out the new me. I go to counseling once a week. Does it get easier? Will I stop missing someone who took away all of my self worth, freedom, self esteem?? I guess being apart makes it easy to forget all the bruises, dragging me off the bed, pushing me down, pulling out my hair, and easy to remember all the good times. The I Love Yous. The Forgive Mes. The I Cant Live Without Yous. I count down the minutes til my next counseling session. she forces me to remember. Im afraid of going back. Ive managed to not see him since June. But I know he is only 5 miles away. I dont want to risk what strength Ive gained. I dont want to run into him and melt like in the past. I pray everyday.
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