Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I left my emotionally abusive ex-husband about a year and half ago. He never became physically abusive but I have the feeling that if I didn't leave he would have. I've dated since and have been seeing this guy for about 2 months now. Last weekend he did something that kind of scared me but I don't know if it was an accident.
We were at a bar drinking, I was sober because I was driving and he had had a couple drinks, we were dancing to the music (mine was more of just a swaying back and forth because I'm a horrible dancer) and he was jokingly making fun of my dancing. He grabbed my arm and kind of jerked it trying to get me to get into it a little more. I don't think he realized how hard he grabbed me, hes a big guy 6' 3" and 240lbs and played football in college.
As soon as he did it I stopped dancing and kind of gave him this "don't do that, I don't tolerate that" kind look and he apologized profusely and said he didn't mean to do it. I understand that when I have had a few beers I lose perception of my strength and capabilities as well, so maybe it really was a mistake. I'm just really cautious, I don't want to get back into another bad relationship. Other than that he hasn't done anything to scare me or treated me badly.
We were at a bar drinking, I was sober because I was driving and he had had a couple drinks, we were dancing to the music (mine was more of just a swaying back and forth because I'm a horrible dancer) and he was jokingly making fun of my dancing. He grabbed my arm and kind of jerked it trying to get me to get into it a little more. I don't think he realized how hard he grabbed me, hes a big guy 6' 3" and 240lbs and played football in college.
As soon as he did it I stopped dancing and kind of gave him this "don't do that, I don't tolerate that" kind look and he apologized profusely and said he didn't mean to do it. I understand that when I have had a few beers I lose perception of my strength and capabilities as well, so maybe it really was a mistake. I'm just really cautious, I don't want to get back into another bad relationship. Other than that he hasn't done anything to scare me or treated me badly.
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I see some people have large fonts in their posts. I am on a kindle fire. How do I increase my font?The only choices above my message is Bold, Underline, and Itallics.
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
You putting yourself down ("I'm a horrible dancer") & him making jokes about it.
You "kind of gave him this "don't do that, I don't tolerate the" kind look" (the language is very tentative - and typical of abuse victims who are still in recovery)
The drinking 'excuse' (i.e. losing perception of strength or it causing one to misunderstand the other, etc. Sadly, drinking & physical abuse many times go hand in hand.)
Ultimately, only you can answer your question. The fact that you are asking it speaks volumes! Trust your gut.
You deserve so much better from a man. Give yourself time to heal and get stronger and then find someone who will treat you with the respect you need. Take good care of you . :)
He's jokingly making fun of your dancing...
He pulled on you a little too hard...
To me, that would be concerning. The choice is your though...you can continue to see him, see fell him out, to see if he is OK, or you could cut your losses and date elsewhere, or not at all.
Listen to your gut, it has learned a lot from being in an abusive relationship. Hugs to you hon, I too, am every-vigilant for those red flags whilst dating.
Yes, Jennie. To me, the things you've
said about both you and your new guy
are red flags.
Have you at any point so far been in
counseling for both recovery from the
abusive marriage and what made you
vulberable to being in one? If not,
would you consider getting some?
For the record, if this (not so gentle)
"gentleman" was a collegiate football
player, he KNOWS his strength.
And by the way. . . . . is HE really
such a get-down dancer that he
could seriously make fun of YOU?
Last of all. . . . . lots of abuse is
committed with the label of it
being "a joke."
And so, yes. Lots of red flags.
I'm not suggesting you shouldn't come here for validation and for a "reality check" since after abuse we have trouble trusting our own reality. But that's the key - learn to trust your own gut and your own reality. What's a red flag for YOU is what's important.
Trust your gut, and do what feels right for you.
As a general rule stay away from going out with anyone who ever makes you feel scared. It doesnt matter what the fear was of or if fear was the normal response. The fact is, if you are beginning a relationship or have been in one and you have to overcome fear to try to be comfortable around that person you are not experiencing love and what is a relationship without love but pain?
Never try to rationalize excuses for why someone has hurt you whether it be physically or emotionally. Find out the literal why - sure but THEY are the ones that need to make up for what theyve done NOT you. You are loosening your boundries when you try to make up excuses to yourself for another persons actions and THAT only leads to bad.
Its only been 2 months so get out now while you still can.
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!