Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Is it ok to hate someone?

deleted_user
deleted_user
In all my years I never have hated a single person. I have been discouraged, disappointed and maybe felt bad for disliking someone but never a pure hatred.

I now feel a hate for my abuser. A hate like none I have ever known. I was emotionally, psychologically and physically abused. I was cheated on, lied to and bullied througout my marriage.

I hate him due to knowing the fact that I was in a previously battered relationship and him being a cop. He portrayed himself as a nice guy who just never met the right woman and then spent the next four years trying to convince me that he knew how I should act, think and feel. How I should live, what I should believe in and what I was supposed to be.

I am still in the midst of it as there is a protection order against him. Some say I am getting paranoid but it is so hard not knowing what he is thinking or where he is. Is he watching me? Is he going to come after me? Is he going to get me when I least expect it? I keep telling myself not to be paranoid. Then just like when I was married everytime I think it is safe something happens around the house or car that makes me believe he is not that far away and will do me harm.

I hate living like this and so wish that it was a year from now. A time where I can feel safe again. A time where I can have my life back and not be afraid it won't be there for me.

I hate everything he stands for and how he can have no empathy, no moral conscience and no remorse for what he did. I have now become the enemy in his eyes and this scares me. His concern has always been about property and money and now I am the one standing in the way of him getting everything. He doesn't think I should get anything due to having him removed and ending the marriage. I feel this intense hatred due to just wanting to make all of it go away and return to the life I had before I met him. A life of optimism. A life with truth and honesty. A life with no violence or abuse. A life with real love in it and no control. A life that I can be proud of. It took me 12 years to reach that point after being a battered wife and yet here I stand having to go through it again.

Hatred isn't healthy I know but it seems to be better than the fear I have been living with for two months. Is this a phase that will go away?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your hatred and fear are perfectly natural - if you didn't feel them then you would be repressing them, like I did and to some extent still do. Maybe you'll get over it sooner than me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
should not hate anyone or anything hate is such a strong word
deleted_user
deleted_user
It has been said that there is a fine line between love and hate - they are not polar opposites. Yes, the hate and fear are perfectly normal, and even to a certain point, healthy. THese emotions help to keep you safe, keep you vigilent, and guide you toward a better place. Where they get unhealthy is when they lead you toward vengance or they turn back toward the "love" side of the relationship. Just like "love" can mask some of the seedier side of a person's character, "hate" can mask our better judgement.

While hatred is something that is to be avoided in most cases, a hatred toward that which is evil can push us toward doing that which is right and just. Like anything else, it has to be in the right proportions and not allowed to consume our life.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Years ago a therapist explained hate to me in this way:
It is like a ladder. First you have love, then anger, then hate. Each emotion can lead to the next step (emotion) but they all begin with love.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think it's normal to hate them. Look what they did to you. I hate mine and I let them know it. Why should you feel bad for hating them ?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you everyone for your replies, advice and support. I realized that I don't really hate but am extremely angry about the whole situation. I guess as many of you say this is normal until this is over and I can begin a new life that is much healthier. Just wish I could speed up time sometimes.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It is very understandable that you feel hate toward this man. You should not feel guilty about it. However, in the long run the person who will be most hurt by by that burning hatred is yourself. You can be pretty sure that it won't affect him much. If you can find a way to move on from that then it will mean a better life for you.
Loved1
Loved1
In reading a book on breakups, "letting go" about a 12 week guide to getting over a broken heart, it mentioned if you are sad, to get angry, that the two can't coexist. Maybe the fear is replaced by anger now. Anyway, it is not healthy to live in constant anger. Anger management is a good thing. There is a way to identify what it is we are angry with, and to identify what needs to be changed. Anger is a sign that something is wrong. It is important to let it go by practicing forgiveness/unconditional love (does not require you to be in contact) and or to dispell the anger therapeutically in counseling, by journaling or sharing, by hitting a pillow or throwing ice against a wall outside and yelling no. Not healthy to live that way. Long walks, exercize, cleaing, yoga, meditation, hot baths. I read a book "you can't make me angry" by Dr Paul, it is excellent and it is about owning our feelings an detatching from blaming someone else. I think it is normal to be angry, probably a good idea to let it go or resolve it somehow ASAP.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I HATE LOADS AND HAVE LIST. MAKES ME STRONG ENOUGH TO FIGHT. STRONG WORD YES INDEED. SOME VERY EVIL HORRID PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've lived with hate for about eight years. I don't know if I'll ever get over it. This kind of hatred over this much time can only lead to bad thing happening. It seems like it would be weak to stop hating them. Or accepting. I don't know how people do it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wish I did!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Don't feel guilty about this, you have a right to be angry. In time the feelings will be easier to handle. My abuse was 20 years ago and sometimes I go thru a I hate him period still today. It takes years to understand why we stayed and what happened, and it takes years to move on. Try to concentrate on what is happening in your life that is good and when you think of those times, try to replace the thoughts with something positive. It's hard to do, however, in time it will be easier. I find that writing down my anger (hate) and saying everything I ever wanted to say is helpful, then I burn what I wrote or shred it. It helps just to get it all out.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm not in an abusive relationship,nor have I been as an adult,however as a child-different story.My abusers were my parents.They told me what was wrong with me everyday.How stupid,moronic,difficult,lucky to be alive,lucky we didn't trade you in for a dog,etc.I was beaten verbally and physically from the age of two.Sasha,you are an adult.Don't sit and wish for a year from now to hope things will be better.You had happiness once,you can have it again.I was told how to feel,when it was normal to cry,and God forbid,don't be upset cause you have no right!I hated them all the way through my childhood and back around again as an adult for a long time.Anger,hatred and all the tears you need to cry now is okay.You need to have those feelings or you would not be normal.You are not his enemy.He is his own.What you feel is not a phase,it is a human right.You've been wronged by someone,don't let them make you become your own worst enemy by letting them continue to hurt you.Your hatred will end when it is time and you are ready to forgive in your own gracious time,not when your abuser thinks that you should.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel hatred for my husband like that, my abuser I should call him. I know what you mean, everyone else thinks he is such a great guy and I am so sick of it. My life is just like yours except mine is a chef with a brother in the FBI (this scares me). His mom has even commented about how when her husband is an ass that "she has a son in the FBI and she knows how to do it (kill him?) and not get caught....scary.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It is normal. . .but hate can turn you into a beast. so be careful
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