Hi everyone. As you might have guessed from the title, I am new here to this group and to this website in general. About two hours ago (as of me writing this), I felt so overwhelmed with my emotions that I have bottled up over the years, that I ended up using the Crisis Text Line. The counselor there gave me a reference to this website as a way to help me.
I will give a little bit of a background of my experience to sort of determine if I really belong in this group. I am 18 going on 19 and have been living in this house my entire life. I have lived with my mother, father, and older sister all of my life. My father was physically abusive to my sister and I when we were both younger, that's for certain. I am not sure if he has ever hit my mother. The thing I am uncertain about is if I am being emotionally/mentally (gaslighting, in particular) abused. I am currently not being physically abused and have not for, I think, over a decade.
The thing that sent me over the edge to contact a crisis line for the first time in my life is this: my parents have been fighting really bad lately. This isn't anything new because they have always faught for as long as I can remember. But they have been screaming and yelling at each other very loudly. Screaming/yelling is a trigger of mine because of earlier "confrontations", I'll say, when I was younger. When I told my mother about how there has always been fighting in the house, she said, "It's nothing compared to what I went through as a kid". It made me feel like my feelings around my own trauma surrounding my childhood was completely invalidated in an instant. That's when I broke down later in my room and had to contact a crisis line.
My mother has always done things like this. I could tell her one thing and it would be "wrong" in some way and she would have to be right. Or I could recall one memory and she would say "that never happened" or give me a look basically saying that, even though they're my memories and not hers. I'm not very close with my father at all but I feel like I'm now just realizing how manipulative my mother has been coming off as, or is. I'm still not sure.
This is kind of hard for me to write down since I haven't been in counseling in nearly a year and I just had a huge flood of emotions not too long ago. I'd like to hear your thoughts about my situation, so please feel free to do so. Thank you for reading.
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