I am having a difficult time healing. My husband became "friends" with 2 young girls when he was doing cocaine and pain pills, etc. This lasted well over 10 months. He would pick fights with me and leave, stay out all night or just not come home. He worked with one girl and he says they didn't have sex. Even so he was texting her on our date nights and on our family vacation, all throughout the day at work. He never let me see his phone but said most of the texts were about work, even the ones late at night. He would rent hotel rooms and now he tells me that he didn't have women there he just wanted to be alone to do his coke. I don't believe him. He blew over $600 in one night at a strip club an became friends with one of the strippers as well. He says he spent the money on a friend. He had these girls under alias names in his cell phone. Now that he is sober I want to believe him. He says he became friends with these girls who he no longer contacts but I still think it's cheating. I have been married to him for 8 years and we have 3 small children. I do love him and that is why it hurts so much. The problem is even after he stopped doing cocaine, he was contacting old girlfriends online. I mean they say your brain takes awhile to get back to normal. He has not used his cell phone or computer since April and wants to use them again. I have post traumatic stress syndrome if I even see him near a cell phone or computer. It's awful. I know I have to trust him again if I want this to work. It's so difficult. I can't breathe. He hates when I get upset or look hurt, he can't deal with it. It makes him push me away when I need to be embraced. I am in so much pain. We are in therapy. He has damaged me and I don't think he loves me anymore because his actions have changed me into an insecure, untrusting, person. When I look sad he can't stand my face. I need to be loved and embraced to know he is sorry. He just expects me to move on. We used to laugh together...now all I feel is pain. He has a way of saying things even jokingly that is hurtful and passive aggressive. Any advice?
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