I am soo sad, I wish this would pass.. I need to tell a story maybe something that will make me angry. So that I won't feel soo much heartache. Okay what story.. I wish I could hate him every day.. BUt the fact is I don't sometimes I even miss him.. I hate myself for that, how can I still have feelings for a man who has hurt me the way he has.. From the bruises, to the emotional scars. Lets make a list.: Kidney punches: which has left my left kidney permenatly scard and burised doctor says it will forever give me problems. That was two years ago.. Some days the pain is worse then others. Head butts: 3 times. broke the blood vessle in my eye twice. Stomache punches that sent me flying across the room, too many to count. Ribs: 3 cracked ribs 2 broken. Black Eyes: too many to count. 1 of them left the left side of my face swollen and black and blue from lower check to forhead, from nose to ear. I believe there is permenant check damage on the bone right under my eye. Ears: Ruptured my ear drums so now I get ear infections constantly. He boxed my ears about three or four times the last time scared him. Head: I still have left over bumps from the closed fisted punches to the side of the head, He liked to aim for the temple. Hair: used to fall out constantly. I am five two and should way 110-pd I weighed 92pds when I got home, cause if he was still hungry and there wasn't anymore food I would give him mine. He is 6ft 4inches and over 200pds. I had no breasts cause of the weight loss so he called me titless wonder, stupid, useless, piece of shit, I'm lucky to have him no one else wants me. Useless peice of shit, His five year old is smarter then me. I have been pushed into the corner, knocked down and then beat because I was pushed into his kid toys and then beat for falling onto the toys. I have been strangled to unconiousness twice, I have been strangled five times in total. Once it broke a blood vessel in my eye.. I have been picked up by the throat lifted into the air and slammed into a wall. I have been picked up by my neck and thrown into a wall, a chair. I have been picked up by my neck and thrown over the back of the couch and then sat on with my head pushed into the cusions, while he punched me in the gut. I have screamed so he would put his fist down my throat and his other hand over my nose to I couldn't breath at least 4 times, all the while he sat on me with his knee digging into my chest. When I quite fighting he would stop, cause he thought I was dead, he would always push down on me a couple of extra times like he was checking.. Onces I bit down on his fist, and as he pulled back in pain I managed to get out from underneath him, he managed to clip me in the side of head during my escape. And here I sit thinking I miss him, what kind of man could make a women feel that she still loves him even after all the things he has done to me.. And he did this for four years, we were only together five. I know if I went back right now in a week he would be hitting again.. And he would have me right where he wants me, cause my parents have said if I go back I am dead to them.. The next time he will kill me and know this, I know this sure as I know my name.. He has almost done it twice. And everytime I have gone back the beatings got worse, everything gets worse.. I hate him I hate what he has done to me and to my family. I wish he would drop dead of a heartattack. He is not the first one to beat me.. He is my third.. The only many who didn't hit me was my ex husband.
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