I was abused physically and emotionally for 7 years by an evil man!! He was my stepfather and I think that makes it worse as I was only 6 when it started. Every single day he would beat the crap out of me for no reason at all. One incident I rememember vividly. I wanted to stay home from school one day and he started telling me how stupid I was and how I would never amount to anything and how nobody would ever love me (that occurred on a daily basis). Then out of nowhere, he grabbed the washing machine hose (big, thick, black hose) and beat me with it repeatedly. To this day, I have no idea why he hated me so much. I mean, the man seriously hated me!! Then there was one time that my mom took a lot of pills (at least he said she did, I wouldn't be surprised if he drugged her, sick bastard that he is). Anyway, he made me and my sister slap her across the face repeatedly, telling us if we didn't keep doing it, she would die and we would never see our mother again. Can you imagine the fright that puts into a child? What a sick man!! My mother was also being abused by him and he constantly threatened to hurt her or her brother or her children if she left him. One day, she finally got the courage to leave and we just left when he was at work. That was seven years later. So by that time, I am already screwed up beyond belief. I haven't handled it well. To this day, I feel stupid, and not worthy of anyone's love!! I am 39 now and I want to change. I don't want to be angry and sad and afraid of the dark...I am still afraid of the damn dark at 39 years of age! Can someone please tell me how to stop feeling so worthless and unlovable. I want a healthy relationship more than anything, but up to this point, I have sabotaged all of my relationships as I don't feel worthy of anyone's love. =( Help, please!
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