Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I put this on the advice board, but thought I might get more input here. Firstly I would like to apologize to all of my friends who haven't heard from me recently - I have been having a bad time emotionally and mentally and I have crawled into a hole for a while. Anyway onto the stalking.
Both my husband and myself used to friends with a couple, then I fell out with them after a row. The husband has always given me the creeps - he used to try to show me porn on his computer, he makes suggestions, he just makes me want to have a shower from the inside out! Anyway, my husband likes them a lot so I said I would have nothing to do with them and he could still be friends - not a problem I thought.
Then began the campaign, my cousin to whom I am very close - we are more like brother and sister than cousins received an anonymous letter threatening him if he did not leave me alone. He threw it away, I eventually left the re enactment society I had been a member of for 15 years because they were also members and their daughter made a point of walking past our tent. Also, because the husband was watching me constantly. In the last three years we have had anonymous letters, both of our e-mails have been tampered with and he has added me as a friend on Facebook which has meant me leaving that too. My cousin has changed his e-mail provider and his account twice and they are still getting through.
My husband is still friends with this couple and their daughter and I suspect that is where a lot of their information is coming from - why I don't know. My husband is being very nice at the moment - a sign that not all is well. He is paranoid and a control freak, he will read my diary, my mail and my e-mails if he can. He doesn't like me speaking to my cousin on the phone - I suspect that is because he can't hear what we are saying.
Does anyone have any ideas or advice on how I can either stop this or catch my husband out? I went through the stalking before with my daughter's husband and it damn near drove me insane - I had to move house and even county in the end. Please can anyone help? Many thanks, Viv XXXXXXXXXX
Both my husband and myself used to friends with a couple, then I fell out with them after a row. The husband has always given me the creeps - he used to try to show me porn on his computer, he makes suggestions, he just makes me want to have a shower from the inside out! Anyway, my husband likes them a lot so I said I would have nothing to do with them and he could still be friends - not a problem I thought.
Then began the campaign, my cousin to whom I am very close - we are more like brother and sister than cousins received an anonymous letter threatening him if he did not leave me alone. He threw it away, I eventually left the re enactment society I had been a member of for 15 years because they were also members and their daughter made a point of walking past our tent. Also, because the husband was watching me constantly. In the last three years we have had anonymous letters, both of our e-mails have been tampered with and he has added me as a friend on Facebook which has meant me leaving that too. My cousin has changed his e-mail provider and his account twice and they are still getting through.
My husband is still friends with this couple and their daughter and I suspect that is where a lot of their information is coming from - why I don't know. My husband is being very nice at the moment - a sign that not all is well. He is paranoid and a control freak, he will read my diary, my mail and my e-mails if he can. He doesn't like me speaking to my cousin on the phone - I suspect that is because he can't hear what we are saying.
Does anyone have any ideas or advice on how I can either stop this or catch my husband out? I went through the stalking before with my daughter's husband and it damn near drove me insane - I had to move house and even county in the end. Please can anyone help? Many thanks, Viv XXXXXXXXXX
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
By chance, have you begun counseling?
I have taken time to evaluate the situation and to assess whether it was just my imagination - but it is not.
I am stuck for ideas because this time it is not an ex who is doing the stalking and because my husband will not back me up.
But most of all believe yourself - there are stalkers - and they don't confine themselves to any particular situation. Privacy is so important to mental well being, I think. Please don't let anyone's snide remarks about counseling deter you from protecting yourself - anyone who dismisses your concerns is not anyone you should listen to. Lindajean
How important is it that you catch them "in the act?" Trying to do that will drive you insane. You know who it is and you know that your husband is ambivalent towards your dilemma. That should be enough "evidence" and you should ask him outright what his discussions of you with his friends consist of... Do they talk about how crazy you are? Do they think that it is a funny game that they are playing with you? Tell him that you think it is time for him to choose between the two of you, and if he can't support and defend you, then he can join his perverted friends and you can peacefully move to the next county if that is what it takes. This is unacceptable behavior by all parties.
Next, let's deal with your problem.
Linda Jean had the correct response there. Go to the police with everything you have, including your cousin.
Next, get the hell out of that house. Take your kids, enough clothes for three days, anything truly sentimental and anything small you may be able to turn into cash. Don't forget your bank book, check book or atm card. Empty the account if that doesn't go against your conscience and go to the local woman's shelter. While the police are doing whatever they are going to do try getting into another state. There doesn't seem to be any doubt in your mind that your husband is in on this and I agree.
Remember, stalkers don't only watch, they kill.
I'm here for you. If you need to talk just ask for my number.
Good luck,
Sue
Once you have your documentation and evidence go to the police. There are peace orders if you feel they are a threat to your safety and well being. By the sounds of it they sound like they are harrassing you which is also against the law. The problem is going to be when the police talk to your husband and he says they are not stalkers. The only thing I could think of then would be to leave the entire situation.
Something sounds very wierd to me about the whole thing since your husband is not backing you up in the least. Do you think he is doing this to make you feel paranoid and scared? That maybe he is the one putting them up to this? I may be way off but something sounds very strange about this situation. Not where you are concerned but your husband's response to it and his giving them the information to continue with it.
Thanks everyone - I feel less alone now and that is important.
Sadly at the moment I am unable to go to the police as I have no evidence. I threw away the letter and I have deleted the e-mails. I shall take the advice offered by Sasha and keep a diary of any further behaviour or attempts at contact.
I spoke to my husband last night and I asked him straight out whether they spoke about me at all - his response was that they asked after me generally but nothing specific. He reacted in an uncomfortable manner though so I asked him what he thought could have brought on this latest incident - he denies any knowledge of what may have triggered it - but he did say the man in question "lives in hope that this will all end soon."
I have had nothing to do with them for three years, I speak on the phone when I answer it but that is kept to a minimum and I am merely polite. Yet my husband can see nothing wrong with the fact that he will not leave me alone.
My biggest worry is my cousin - he has already had one stroke and I don't want the worry to give him another.
This is a sad situation, my trust in my husband has been badly affected and I suspect that this has been passed off to him as a joke. He is a very weak man and will do anything for a peaceful life and I am sure that inside he resents me because I am strong - I have had to be to survive.
I am unable to leave at the moment for reasons that are too complicated to explain here. It took me nine years of going to and fro to court to get rid of the last one and it was year six before my solicitor believed me - so I don't hold out a lot of hope for this one.
However please believe me that I am so grateful for all of your support and I will continue to let you know how things develop. Big hugs, Viv XXXXXXXX
* To feel respected as a person,
* To get your physical and emotional needs met,
* To be appreciated and not taken for granted,
*To communicate effectively with your partner/freinds/other
* To have your privacy respected,
* To not constantly fight for control,
* To feel good about yourself and your relationships
* To trust validate, and support each other,
* To grow within and outside of your relationships,
* To have your own opinions and thoughts,
* to either stay in or leave the relationship,
As you may know, rights are neither respected nor acknowledged unless someone stands up for them. So ask yourself, are you ready to stand up for your rights?
Taken from "Stop walking on eggshells"
I was stalked If you are around people who dont listen or care! get out of there! and find peeps who do ...Love Song
Basically what i'm saying is don't take it lightly and start the investigation with the police. They will give you advice. If i we you I'd also get a restraining order. You can't go on living like that. It has to stop with or with out your husband. It's a shame he's not behind you. Bad on him. Start a file on this immediately. Don't wait until it's too late. Being older too helps when dealing with the police.
My name is Michelle, and I am a production assistant on the Steve Wilkos show in Chicago. Steve's show deals with very serious issues such as abusive relationships, people being stalked, teenage pregnancies, drug addictions, etc. Although the show is quite new, Steve has helped several people with serious issues going on in their lives. I really believe that Steve can help you with your problem. If you feel the same, please email me at butrfly793@aol.com or call our toll free number at 888-321-5399 and ask for Michelle M. We are very friendly people and will listen to anyone who needs to have their voice heard. Please please don't hesitate to call or email me. Steve is tough, but fair. He won't let the bad guy get away without learning their lesson and knowing exactly what they did wrong. And he also tries to get guests on the show all the necessary help they need once they leave the show.