My problem with my husband is complicated. When he is sober, he is a different person. But when he drinks, I swear I can see the hate for me in his eyes. We started dating in high school, and have been married for a little over 2 years. We are both young (early twenties) so I sometimes wonder if we jumped into this too soon. The first physical attack happened when I was about 17. He continued with verbal and emotional throw downs-it seemed like he enjoyed seeing me hurt and weak. After the wedding, things were great for a while. The physical abuse isn't as common, but sometimes I think the sting of words and insults hurt worse. How am I supposed to deal with this? We have talked about it, but he says he doesn't know why he gets so angry. Yet he WILL NOT give up his alcohol. My heart breaks, how am I supposed to compete with the poison that runs his life? I wish he could come to me with his problems instead of going to a bottle. I wish I could make him happy enough so he wouldn't have to be drunk just to be married to me. I wish I could fix this. I guess I just needed to vent, I don't want to give up on us but I'm feeling less like myself and more beaten down by the day. Still holding onto hope. Whether that's the right thing to do or not, I guess only time will tell.
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