I left 15 months ago. I was angry most of this time with myself for allowing someone to treat me and the kids that way. I felt like I had let us all down. I filed the protective order when I left ad we had no contact until last month when we signed an agreement for the divorce (we can't get the divorce decreed until we file for bankruptcy - but that is another issue.) Well, we have to have a fifteen min. conversation a week so that I can give him important info about the kids. It seems no matter what he says/does I leave upset. Today I came to the realization that this is because I hate him. I am angry at him for everything he did. I am angry that even now - all he thinks about is himself. He is only concentrated on himself and money. Nothing else matters to him. I hate him for lying about how much he earns so he could pay less for child support. I hate him for not treating our children with the love and respect that a father should have. I hate him for being inside my head and when I see him all he has to do is smile and I feel like he is up to something. I am completely suspicious. I know that if we are going to make the visits work with the kids (and they HAVE to go - at least my daughter for now) I have to get over this - but I just can't. I don't generally hate anybody and it is consuming me. I feel the heat in my cheeks daily right now. I can hardly function because I am so angry.
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