This is a tough subject, my first reaction is to tell you that she should divorce you, but if you really want this marriage to work, you need to do some real soul serching! You need to get marriage counceling and angermanagement classes. There is no excuse for what you did! There is nothing she could do that makes it ok for you to hurt her in any way! Go Get Help! This was not her fault, it was yours, and yours alone.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think that's horrible, for both of you. I grew up being "beat-up", my father's idea of punishment was to slap your face and then tell you to put your hands down (knowing he would hit you again) that was so hard because as soon as your arm down from your face, he's slap you again. When I was four he hit me so many times in my head that I blacked out. I tell you this to give you a wake-up call. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON. You ackowledge what you did was wrong. That's the first step. Second, you have to realize and live with the consequences of your action. Third, you must realize, she may never forgive you. But you must forgive yourself. Don't beat yourself up forever, you made a mistake. Be honest with her and if she decides to leave, realize that you scared her so bad that she doesn't feel safe anymore. Make a promise to yourself that it will never happen again and stick to it, no matter what. -cono

Dude, obviously, you need to talk with her, your're not talking enough, there was some things bothering you besides the tongue biting, maybe an image that you have created of her in your head based on some things that she has done....seriously, guys that beat women aren't like you, they're already gone, past the brink. And you're just confused about what to do = not past the brink. You remind me of my boyfriend, and the one time he stabbed me with a pencil, it was not about me sticking my finger in his ear too far by accident, it was about all the other things concerning me that had been building up in his head.
So talk to her, tell her what the build up was, but make sure she knows that you're not saying that this was her fault, you're just trying to simply let her see into your world, and explain why you did it, how it was WAY over the line, and how if the two of you talk out what's bothering you from now on it won't happen again. Now, she doesn't have to live in fear, she should know not to bite someone because your mad at them (she wasn't talking to you either).... just talk, and if you're not willing to do that or don't know what to talk about, you have bigger problems, meaning you've gone this far, apparently married, and have become masters at being silent to one another, and that never works now does it?
If you love her and she loves you, after a three hour conversation you should both come to the conclusion that this was a really bad MIX UP, cause neither knew too much about why the other did etc.. So no divorce, and if she can't get there keep trying to for an amount of time equal to the amount that you love her.

Dude, obviously, you need to talk with her, your're not talking enough, there was some things bothering you besides the tongue biting, maybe an image that you have created of her in your head based on some things that she has done....seriously, guys that beat women aren't like you, they're already gone, past the brink. And you're just confused about what to do = not past the brink. You remind me of my boyfriend, and the one time he stabbed me with a pencil, it was not about me sticking my finger in his ear too far by accident, it was about all the other things concerning me that had been building up in his head.
So talk to her, tell her what the build up was, but make sure she knows that you're not saying that this was her fault, you're just trying to simply let her see into your world, and explain why you did it, how it was WAY over the line, and how if the two of you talk out what's bothering you from now on it won't happen again. Now, she doesn't have to live in fear, she should know not to bite someone because your mad at them (she wasn't talking to you either).... just talk, and if you're not willing to do that or don't know what to talk about, you have bigger problems, meaning you've gone this far, apparently married, and have become masters at being silent to one another, and that never works now does it?
If you love her and she loves you, after a three hour conversation you should both come to the conclusion that this was a really bad MIX UP, cause neither knew too much about why the other did etc.. So no divorce, and if she can't get there keep trying to for an amount of time equal to the amount that you love her.

Dude, obviously, you need to talk with her, your're not talking enough, there was some things bothering you besides the tongue biting, maybe an image that you have created of her in your head based on some things that she has done....seriously, guys that beat women aren't like you, they're already gone, past the brink. And you're just confused about what to do = not past the brink. You remind me of my boyfriend, and the one time he stabbed me with a pencil, it was not about me sticking my finger in his ear too far by accident, it was about all the other things concerning me that had been building up in his head.
So talk to her, tell her what the build up was, but make sure she knows that you're not saying that this was her fault, you're just trying to simply let her see into your world, and explain why you did it, how it was WAY over the line, and how if the two of you talk out what's bothering you from now on it won't happen again. Now, she doesn't have to live in fear, she should know not to bite someone because your mad at them (she wasn't talking to you either).... just talk, and if you're not willing to do that or don't know what to talk about, you have bigger problems, meaning you've gone this far, apparently married, and have become masters at being silent to one another, and that never works now does it?
If you love her and she loves you, after a three hour conversation you should both come to the conclusion that this was a really bad MIX UP, cause neither knew too much about why the other did etc.. So no divorce, and if she can't get there keep trying to for an amount of time equal to the amount that you love her.

sorry about the multiple times thing....such a clutz....

It's good that your realize what you did was wrong, but think about how you reacted to her biting you. Were you startled? Is this how you react when you're startled? Like when somebody cuts you off in traffic? Would you have beaten somebody twice your size for the same level of injury? Or did you take advantage of your size in this situation?

Finally, what led up to this? She was mad at you and you didn't KNOW? Are you bad at reading body language? (I am.) Did she tell you and you didn't take her seriously?

The big problem here isn't that it happened that one time. The big problem, I believe, is that in order to get a message across to you, she was violent and you escalated the situation with your reaction.

A lot of couples enduring abuse trigger each other over and over. It won't stop until you figure out why you do it.

For your own good, you should stay away from her or you could end up under arrest. Separate and get counseling, together and separately.

you poor misguided fool, umm when you said "...this was an accidental one time thing." you admitted that you hit her in the head several times. I realize that "this time" was a one time thing, but like I said you hit her more than once! if you would really like my opinion call me cuz boy let me tell you something, this is coming from a woman who put up with abuse for 12 years....I have a lot of insite on this topic and my fingers would get cramped up with what I have to say...

Keepongoing, What I meant was yes, I did hit her several times that night. I have never hit a woman any other time except for that night. I'm willing to listen to your story. I have a pretty good idea how she feels: shock, disappointment, fear, etc. She's been letting me have it today through text messages

Bobbee, I'm giving her space and have no intentions of going to the house. She already told me she is not filing charges but at the same time she is afraid of me and asked me not to show at the house.

Hey Jane, Talking with her now is definitely out of the question. She is still VERY angry and we are just talking through e-mails and texts. Its gone anywhere from angry e-mails all the way to "I still love you very much and always will" That definitely surprised me. Of course in the next sentence she told me I had better tell any future women I meet about my temper. I already have sent an apology letter and mentioned I'm looking into AM groups or classes. Other than that, I don't contact her unless she does me.

You shouldnt be hitting anyone let alone a woman, I hope she finds someone who treats her with respect.

Abusers never change as its ingrained within them, the word " coward" comes to mind, I bet you dont hit men.I wouldnt give you a second chance as I have heard all the artifical remorse before.

Personally I would press charges and get you locked up so you learn you cant abuse women. I would get you locked up by my boyfriend he is a Police Officer and hates wife beaters, he would arrange a police van for you

I am new to this forum. So new, that maybe I'm a little naive. However, I do believe that all should be treated with respect in this forum, even the self-professed wife beaters. For opening our hearts and our ears is how we learn. I believe this forum is for the education of all as we share our experiences. I hope that it is a safe place for all.

Jesus teaches us to forgive and treat others as we would like to be treated. After my abuse experience, I no longer judge ANYone. I forgive my abuser and I am free in spirit.

I wish that for Geriberry.
God bless.