I am not sure if this is a venting post for me or if I am trying to get some sort of validation for the way I feel etc... but I just feel like I am damned if I do and I am dammed if I don't.
I feel like my husband is verbally abusive and I will give some examples for reference however he always has counter points for the reason he speact to me the way that he does.
So this weekend I had put a wrapper of some kind in our little "composter recycling bin" we keep on our countertop. I did this twice and he has "spoken to me" about this before and not putting paper or whatever in there, so anyways I did it again and he lost his shit calling me a dumb bitch and a stupid idiot because he has told me this before and why don't I learn... the back story is that we neer actually put these bags in the compost bin he just dumps it down the regular garbage shoot with everything else so I am thinking who cares whats the big deal right? Well no its a big deal because the bags cost money and we shouldn't be taking up space in there when something can go in the regular garbage. He always has a reason for his verbal outbursts. I try to calm him down and tell him I am not stupid or an idiot and he just says well what would you call someone who has been told several times to do something and they keep screwing it up... he has a point doesn't he?
Then the other night I had filled the brita water jug and I filled it a bit too much so it leaked a bit over the counter and although I was going to go back to it to check it I got distracted with doing something with my 3.5 year old. Well when he sees this he calls me over like a little child "come over here, come over here" so he can show me what I did wrong... Like why can't he just wipe up the water, he has got to specifically point out to me that I did something "wrong" again he uses a bit of abusive language but of course he had a good reason for getting angry, like because if the water seeps into the partical wood it would ruin our cupboards.... okay yes he has a point.
So I don't want to make this too long but even when he is not using verbal attacks he speaks to me like I am a child or beneath him.
Even this weekend our daughter was ill and we ended up taking her to the walk in clinic instead of taking her to the family doctor, I casually said omg this always seems to happen on a weekend. He retorts back saying "oh I am sorry our daughters sickness inconveniened you", like WTF all I meant was shit this is pretty crappy that we have to take her to the walk in clinic with all the super sick people because if it was on the weekday we could take her to the family doctor because i feel more comfortable with that... but no he is always jumping down my throat it seems.
If I am telling him something about my day but I don't explain myself "well enough" he again jumps down my throat telling me I am a terrible story teller and this is how I should have told the story???? WTF if he needs clarification about the story about my day why can't he just ask me a follow up question, I mean isn't that what a conversation is like?
I don't know I know this is long and just a rant but everything is really wearing on me more and more, I think I either just accept this is the way it is or 100 commit to getting out, except we have a 3.5 year old little girl and I know she adores him but this can't be good for her to hear either right? Sometimes she tries to play referee for us and sometimes she even sides with her dad and will says things like "mommy is bad right?" or she will say that about her dad to me... thats not right is it?
FML I feel so torn, to make matters worse he has been looking for work for 5 months so I know if I leave it would kill him even more and if I am looking to protect my daughter financially we might not get any support from him during this period in his life....
if you have read this far, thank you for reading.
I'm starting to think of a plan to commit suicide, I don't want to go down this path. I had a suicide attempt last year and I'm glad I'm alive.
I haven't posted on here in awhile, but ran into a email notification, so, I decided to check my notifications and post something because I'm still struggling in my relationship with my 10 year old daughters father, which I've been with for nearly 11 years in about 10 days. In the beginning we were very compatible and knew each others thoughts and even finished them at times, but a few years...