I'm hurting so bad I don't even know if I can put this into words. I am married to someone who doesn't care about me by all appearances. He is the victim in all things. Being sick/disabled/physically challenged and having a bunch of dead relatives and a dead friend (especially this year) I am acutely aware of the fact that a person needs to make use of the time they have for love, pleasure and fun, with the people in their lives that they care about. My husband took two weeks of vacation time. Last week was spent with me being in the hospital with the H1N1 flu. I desperately wanted to go on a vacation somewhere this week. All it has been all week was his noncommunication. I tried to talk to him about where we could go on Monday. He mentioned a couple of places and a couple of things we could do locally. One was driving to the coast. I told him it was too cold. He has never initiated another conversation about going anywhere or doing anything. We've done nothing. Today, I got fed up and said if he wasn't going to try to do something that I was going to take care of my business. I needed some new eyeglasses I had been putting off and had to get an eye exam. We have one car. I went alone. I also looked at some apartments. Very sad, dirty, cheap, affordable apartments, where I can't even have my dog. He doesn't even try. If I am mad and I go to leave, he doesn't ask me not to. I drove by myself to the hospital last week with 101 temp. He could have stepped in but he didn't. What usually happens is I end up somewhere late at night, get upset and call him on the phone. He never asks me to come home or says he is sorry. No remorse. NOTHING. I usually turn around and drive home. By the time I get home I am furious and a physical match insues with me yelling at him asking why he doesn't love me with much scuffling around. I feel humiliated. Sometimes, I even hurt myself by scratching my arms or legs or biting my own flesh I feel so unloved and frustrated. I am ashamed writing this. You all must think I am crazy. Maybe I am. My therapist has even said once, that she was wondering just what it was gonna take. Somebody help me.
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