
Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Hey everyone-
Just stumbled upon this community today and have gotten a lot of useful information by just reading other people's experiences. I thought I'd put myself out there and ask for a little advice. I have a friend who is going through a divorce from an emotionally abusive husband (who she also caught lying/cheating on her). I am trying to give her all the support I can, but at times it is hard because I don't know if I'm being too hard, or conversely, enabling some of her feelings. She is having a really hard time letting go of him, even after everything he did. She has very little self-esteem left. I have a hard time being patient with her when she says she is upset the relationship is over still and looks back on the "good times". So my question is, is "tough love" an ok approach to use? To not let her wallow in her sadness of the loss of the relationship? And if I don't use tough love, am I enabling her to wallow in her misery and not get out of her depression?
Hopefully that makes sense. I just want to do the right thing to help her get through this. I am trying to read up on emotional abuse so I know what she is going through. If you have any other advice, please feel free. I'm all ears!
Just stumbled upon this community today and have gotten a lot of useful information by just reading other people's experiences. I thought I'd put myself out there and ask for a little advice. I have a friend who is going through a divorce from an emotionally abusive husband (who she also caught lying/cheating on her). I am trying to give her all the support I can, but at times it is hard because I don't know if I'm being too hard, or conversely, enabling some of her feelings. She is having a really hard time letting go of him, even after everything he did. She has very little self-esteem left. I have a hard time being patient with her when she says she is upset the relationship is over still and looks back on the "good times". So my question is, is "tough love" an ok approach to use? To not let her wallow in her sadness of the loss of the relationship? And if I don't use tough love, am I enabling her to wallow in her misery and not get out of her depression?
Hopefully that makes sense. I just want to do the right thing to help her get through this. I am trying to read up on emotional abuse so I know what she is going through. If you have any other advice, please feel free. I'm all ears!
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I'm not sure that tough love is the answer .. at least for right now ..
I'm thinking your friend has suffered enough .. and she needs loving kindness .. and maybe just someone to listen to her ..
We are all sad .. when a relationship ends .. the death of a dream .. that is would go on forever .. and that death requires a bit of grieving .. even if the relationship is bad ..
There are many skilled professionals .. and I would also suggest that you try to refer your friend to one of them ..
They are more qualified than many of us .. who are just sharing ideas .. from our own sad stories ..
Also .. there is a lady on this site .. uwin .. she's a professional .. here to provide help and guidance .. I'd also suggest that you and your friend seek her out .. She is a very wise and kind lady ..
best wishes .. for much success ..
Marie6, I wish she WAS angry! She is just very very sad. Sometimes, when she finds out more things that he did behind her back, she gets mad, but the anger doesn't stay nearly as long as you would think. I'd be SO much more pissed if I were her! But I know not everyone reacts the same way to things, and I get that. She says I am one of the few people (of her friends and family) that understand her and where she is coming from, which is why I just want to continue to do right by her. Tamra, I have been very quick to remind her of what she "lost" as she has a tendency to only look back on the good times, and there were a lot more bad times. The relationship ended because of him cheating on her, not because of the abuse. That more came to light after she left and starting talking to people and realizing that the way he had been treating her was not normal. I dont' know if that makes it harder, because she didn't leave because of the abuse and rather "found out" about it as an after thought? Just some more background info for you. Thanks for all your kind words and thoughts.