I was in my abusive relationship for 7 years, up until about 2 months ago. I asked him to leave and it's been the most difficult 2 months of my life. My house has been broken into twice, I've been harrassed by phone and email, my husband has attempted suicide 5 times, I've been threated (that he'll follow me where ever I go. I want to be done with him forever. I really don't ever want to see him again... talk to him again.. if he disappeared I would have a sense of relief. I hate that I have allowed this relationship to turn me into an angry bitter person. Today, I hate him, I really do. but I don't want to.. just b/c I don't want to have hate in my heart. I also have this sick sick sense of loyalty to him. I think most of it comes from my spiritual beliefs, that I have to give me another chance, that I can't close the door on this completely, or I won't be a good Christian. I really really struggle with this. The thought of ever being with him again makes me sick.. very sick.. but I feel an obligation. What is wrong with me? I need some advice please.. advice on how not to hate..advice on what I truly owe him..Just anything.. I need some input! Thanks!
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