My father. He was a bi-polar drug addict and an alcoholic. Totally recovered today and married to the woman he cheated with on my mother. He has Hepatitis C from needle sharing and I feel no emotion for him in that regard. He got what he deserved. I know it sounds cruel, but since I was 8 he hasn't been there, only separated from my mom, working, in rehab or in an institution. Now he has the perfect life with his wife and all that. So many details that I don't want to repeat again and again. Not very often anymore do I feel like this and the pain and hurt just won't leave. He won't talk to me about the abuse as a child and offers no explanation or comfort. It's like talking to a rock and I'm tired. He never calls, writes, sees me or anything. I have an 18 month old daughter who is the highlight of my life and hubby and me are expecting our second baby (a boy) in Sept. I told my father and he just said, "that's good. I'm in a lot of pain today'. I just want to be able to cut it off and let it go, HOW do I do this? I feel like I have an amputated arm that has an itch and I can't scratch it because the arm is gone? I feel bereft and alone and hate myself for letting him get to me. My mother and family is NOT an option as my mother isn't close to her family for abuse reasons and she's the "i need a man to complete myself" kind of woman with chronic depression. I have taken therapy for 8 years to which I don't think has worked too well except that I'm pretty normal in actions and living now, except for these spells that come on. Mix that with pregnancy hormones and I feel like I'm ready to go on vacation lol. I have also taken parenting classes for the past 10 years so that when I am around children and had my own I'd be as normal as normal can be. So far, so good. Any ideas how I can get over my father? I can't let him or me, do this to me anymore. There is no more relationship and I just want the past to die and be buried and stay there for GOOD. Thank you to listening to me rant and for any advice you may be able to send my way.
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