I do the same exact thing. I can not handle pain, so I turn it into anger because at least I can control that. I can't stand that out of control pain where you can't stop crying and hurting and feeling miserable and can't eat and all that. It doesn't happen to me often, but my ex could sure hurt me that bad. Nobody has ever hurt me as bad as he did. I've finally in the past month been able to turn it into pure anger, which I can control and deal with. I know that's not healthy but it's what I can handle. Like you, sometimes the anger is so intense that I feel I could physically attack him. And with him working the same building with me, that could be a real problem. Especially since it's a federal building and he's a federal cop. Not only would I lose my security clearance, and career, but be arrested on federal charges of assault on a federal police officer. So I'm thinking of buying a punching bag to get out my anger/aggression. Exercise is supposed to help as well but I haven't been able to motivate myself to do any yet.

I cant handle pain either... physical pain yes, but emotional pain kills me! I either get really really sad even think about hurting myself sometimes or I get really mad. I get so mad because he blames everything on me when he's the one that abuses me ( which he doesnt believe) he's cheated on me too many times. But im the hoe and slut in his eyes! I wish i could help but I have no idea how to deal w/ it myself. just know your not alone!

Its a very healthy reaction to being totally hurt and disrespected, but if you stay stuck at the anger stage, it is known to eat you up, and literally make you physically ill. Its also long since believed that anger can actually be a contributary factor in developing cancer. Its not worth hanging onto.

It takes being outside the present moment, to remain angry. It needs to feed off thoughts and feelins related to past moments. Which also means that it begins to negate your future. I heard a good phrase, 'anger is like a poisen you swallow, and wait for the other person to die' Its impossible to be angry if you fully stay in the present moment.

Some anger is healthy, if you can feel it, and then let it go..It can be empowering at times. But definitely not on an ongoing basis.

letting go..is something you can practice, and reminding yourself to keep staying in the present. a great book that helps with this is 'The power of now'..By Ekhart Tolle. he explains how we actually continue to create the feelings we get stuck with, and how to feel what we feel, and then let it go, and it really opens your eyes to how to handle emotion, and how to change. His concepts are pretty simple. But reading it, can totally change your life. Its a brilliant book and is well worth a read.

The following is an affirmation post..someone posted here..and it helped me SO much..I hope it can help you too...

'In the words of Pushing Daisies, The facts are these:

He is not my problem.

I no longer put up with his behaviour. I don't have to, I don't want to - and I will not.

He will never thank me for leaving and will never be grateful for the love and kindness I gave him. And it's not my problem.

I am proud of myself for building courage and for leaving him.

I AM TRUE TO MYSELF.

Expect the worst from him. It's the most I can count on.

I might lose people in my life. It will hurt. But it will be okay.

It's time to move on.

I have nothing at all that I need to prove to anyone.

No one else knows the real him and I am not here to show them. It's their problem.

People can judge me all they like, it's just their opinion. It's not fact.

I am stronger than any of this.

I refuse to waste any further energy.

I am free.

I am a great person.

I love and respect myself.

I will survive this episode because I will not be a victim.

No one else can judge me. They weren't there. And they don't know.

I concentrate on being kind to myself and true to myself.'

I am very angry this morning! It is the fire that propels me to get out of this looney bin!

Thank you Vonnie... that is beautiful... I've saved it...

Here4You!

Angel

Wow Vonnie...thank you!! Sure hits!

You said you have been in therapy for years... have you gotten into your fathers anger issues with your therapist, and taken a look at how/when/where you learned to process your hurt directly into anger, so that you can unlearn it? As much as your current trigger might be the situation with your ex, the anger itself has a deeper root, and pulling it out by the root is the only way to replace it with something new. It is very common for us to all look at our situations and attribute our anger to the situations which warrant and justify our anger now... but how we process our emotions, and the ways in which we manifest our feelings, goes farther back than these present situations, whatever they may be. By getting to the root, rather than focusing on the things that are popping up above the soil, you can pluck them out more effectively and plant new seeds in their place. For me, it always helps for me to remember that I have anger issues that predate my husband, and when I get angry at him, I have to first and foremost redirect my energy OFF of focusing on him and ON to my own proactive choice to not fuel the fire of my own rage using him and whatever he has done as my gasoline. Then, I am more capable of dealing with the situation at hand, after I have owned and diffused my own root of bitterness. This takes constant practice and effort at first, but it is truly empowering when you realize that you can disarm the minefield of triggers, and then people don't have the power to set you off so readily. Are you a member of the anger management forum here at DS?