I left a month ago and although there has been some emotional and financial struggles....I can honestly say that I have never been more proud of myself. I was in an abusive situation for 20 years and I think one of the most difficult things I've had to face was making the mundane daily decisions on my own. I used to have to pass everything by my ex. From which burner to cook on, to who I could talk to. Being out has given me perspective as well. Although my ex and I had 'broken up' a couple of years ago, he still had access to me 24 hours a day b/c I had remained in our house. (And because of laws in our area...he continued to have full rights to coming and going in the house). SO, what I have realized is that I gave him too much. I was still not free. I was still being controlled. Albeit to a lesser degree, but the constant interrogations and threats and the physical aggression was still there. I tried to convince myself, that just saying we were 'broken up' was enough. But it wasn't. I was still being abused. Now, the kids and I have our place. (We have not gone to NC because we have been trying to work out a separation aggreement on our own. But this time, I am so much stronger for some reason. Being away from him has given me the distance to see things the way they really are. I am not naive and don't believe that everything is going to go hunky dory b/c I've put my foot down. I know that he is still waiting for me to be vulnerable to pounce. But something is different. I am different. If negotiations take a turn for the worse, my lawyer is on my speed dial, and I have no reservations. In the meantime, I'm trying to preserve my credit....trying to find some line of peace for my kids' sake. But one thing's for sure. Moving out was the best thing I have ever done. I can't believe how long I sat on that fence. How afraid I was of the unknown. Having to find yourself in the world is a very scary prospect....but you know what's scarier? Letting your true/peaceful self be lost forever. May you all be blessed on this journey. It's not an easy one. But one thing's for sure. You're worth the effort.
Posts You May Be Interested In
I came accross a codependency quiz, that I thought I would share with all of you.I think I was in denial about the fact I have codependent tendacies until I took this....http://beallpastoralcounseling.com/codependency/codependency-quiz