I was molested by my natural father for about a year during the period my mother went through relearning how to do everything again. At age 29 she was in a car accident. I began mom in every way even though he had a steady fiance on the side. I played mom to my brothers, cleaned, cooked, was not allowed to play I had to watch them. I was sexually approached by my step brother, my friends father, my baby sitter and a few others though I never attracted it myself. I can honestly say after telling my brother tonight for the first time, that it is still affecting me I believe. I've never been one to blame something on anything. I was taught to own up to everything. If I fail its because I allowed myself to fail, Ive been beating myself up for years infact so much so I barely allow myself my breathe without guilt attached to it. I never came to know who I am or if I had any worth except when I was a mother. Now my kids dont need me and I am back to no idendity again. Being ill I can barely care for myself. My husband does almost everything but being passive aggressive he lets me know I owe him and I pay for it dearly emotionally. My mother died last month and this had turned me upside down. I was her care giver all my life, she was my rescuer, my best friend, my therapist, my everything. All the women are gone in my family now and me the weakling is left. I cant stand on my own two feet because the medication and health issue keep stopping me. Im sick of relying on others and yet I cant rise above the little girl in me that pushes me down so hard I dont know who I am, what feels safe, what is really love though I want to give it intently and I do to others just not me. How do I know if this abuse is playing into my daily life or if its just not trauma upon trauma after that, divorces, spouce abuse, deaths, losing my health, empty nester ect? Any wise advice? I am seeing a therapist but todays therapist believe in living in the here and now..... Desperately Seeking Susan lol
Posts You May Be Interested In
I miss traveling with my husband. Has anyone found a specific site regarding cruising for widow/widowers or any sightseeing trips. Not interested in being with couples and kids,,,I realize a cruise ship will have a portion size of families and couples, but perhaps they also put together a part of the cruise ship for groups of widows/widowers????
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...