i was wondering the same =/

i came across some mental health diagnosis of my mum's and understanding the why's is helping a bit.

but if anyone else has input pls!! share

i understand, i get so pissed off at times too. i am understanding now that i am a good person. and it hurts that i always thought i was never enough. but each day when i get pissed off i go and do something and each day it gets a little less and less and i feel more good about myself and yes i feel bad about what happened but i think having friends to talk about it with helps. but i still need help as well so ya if anyones got advise please help.

Thanks you guys.

I think getting angry is a GOOD sign, it means your accepting whats happened to you and you KNOW it wasn't your fault. Your getting it all out, keep ranting keep venting, you SHOULD be angry, I reckon this is a negative phase but its still a step towards getting better rather than thinking it was all your fault and you deserved it because your a bad person, or even worse pretending it never happened or that it hasn't affected you at all.

Read as much as you can on abuse. A great site is www.youarenotcrazy.com. Abuse takes many forms. Allow yourself to be angry! You have every right to be. Can you move out? Write him a letter, tell him how you feel! It may not make any difference TO HIM, but it will to you. It will empower you.
Realize at some point you have to let it go. He'll "get his" and the sooner you accept that and let it go the better off you will be and able to start enjoying your life. Forgiving is hard. You can't just "do it once". For me, I have to forgive over and over and over and over and over. I have to make a conscious effort to do so. Focus on the positives of your relationship.

What book do you recommed? I was physical abused once ten years ago. And have been emotional abused many, many many times

I got into therapy, that was about 20 years ago. It helps. I also post on-line to several support sites like this one, they also help.

I bounced back and forth with those feelings all the time. I finally got past it a bit when I talked (no yelled) at my Dad 3 years ago for what he did to me. He actually saw the events in a completely different way than I knew them to be. (Denial, no doubt!) I did NOT get an apology but I DID get him to stop talking and he actually LISTENED. If that's all I ever get, which I know it will be, it was better than nothing and I remind myself of that daily to help me move forward. It's different for everyone but I hope this helps a bit!