Well. This is the problem I am dealing with now. I have been in counselling and reading every book I can find on emotional/verbal abuse and controlling/manipulative people. The books truly have helped me. I began standing up for myself and working very hard on not allowing myself to be controlled. Initially, I thought he was beginning to respect my new growth and progress. However, that "respect" was not genuine. The verbal attacks became more severe and although he never hit me, his behavior was very disrespectful. (He would not return my calls, would "forget" dates we'd made and stand me up. He would not call until the next day with a fake excuse, he was asleep, he forgot, etc.) Also the verbal threats that he would end our relationship returned. I became tired of the game playing and confronted him about it. I just wanted him to tell me what was going on, and to not insult my intelligence with these silly excuses. He decided to tell me that he no longer wanted the relationship. The reason he gave was just an excuse. He simply wants to remain "friends", but I told him that there was no way we could be friends after we were at one point talking of marriage. He simply said, fine, then I guess it's over. I did not cry, packed up the few items I still had at his house, and went back to my house.
My problem is this. Although I know I was right to stand up for myself, his ending our relationship in the cowardly way he did is truly upsetting. I know I will have to get over this and put it behind me, but I feel as though I'm backsliding. I'm beginning to doubt myself again, doubt my perceptions, and wondering what I did wrong. Do they really behave this badly just because they can't get their partner to do what they want? We had been together for 4 years. He's been threatening me off and on for the last couple of years, and I guess he now just doesn't want to be with me. It hurts something fierce and I can't understand how he can end it so nonchalantly. It's as though I'm easily disposable.
He has not called me and I have not called him. I just can't understand how people can discard someone so easily.
I apologize for how muddled this question is, but I am truly having a hard time. I thought I was doing better, but in actuality, it seems that the stronger I became, the less he liked me. Has anyone else been through this?