I feel like I have this tremendous weight on my shoulders that just won't go away. At least twice a month my "boyfriend" of 8 years decides not to speak to me. Sometimes it is the result of an argument, sometimes its because he feels that I am not treating him right or as he says "taking care of him". I cringe when I think of having to drive with him because of course, I don't know how to drive and he has to yell at me or shake his head the whole time. Today's reason is that two days ago I wouldn't carry his breakfast to him. At the time, he told me that I might as well just throw out his breakfast which I did and of course, he threw the coffee carafe and breakfast dish across the room. I may be crazy, but I can't shake the feeling that I am treated like a servant, a second-class citizen and when I protest, I walk away feeling guilty and as if I did something wrong yet, there is this tiny voice inside me that keeps telling me that, although I am not perfect, this is a very, very bad situation and all of our problems are not my fault. I am tired of buying into his mind thought "Just treat me right and I will treat you right". He won't talk about marriage or kids (and although I am now 38 years old I do realize that it is a good thing that children and a legal marriage are not issues). I could go on and on and on...When I saw the posting on "Another ruined weekend" I chuckled to myself because I know all too well what that is all about without even reading the details. I just feel so tired....i left once four years ago and moved across the country but he sweet talked me and I gave in..When you are worn down and exhausted how do you find the strength and the know-how to finally leave? Over the past year I have found myself drinking every night to numb the pain and I don't want to go down that road. I know I need to find legal counsel (we own a house together) but I just don't know where to begin. I am writing this partly for advice but partly just to tell someone. My close friends have observed the situation and know but i don't talk about it much.
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