Trying to escape remembering how bad the holidays were for all those years. How do I focus on NOW and not look bad and be sad? I remember all those times when I tried SO HARD to celebrate whatever it was with him...and all those times he let me down. He let me down to the point where I started dreading and then eventually HATING the holidays because he was so awful about them. So many tears I shed b/c I HOPED he would care enough "this year" to be bothered. And how I tried NOT TO HOPE and stupidly did anyway. Why can't I let this go and why do i cry when I am not free of him and would never want him back?
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