Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have so much respect for all of you people here. You have all been though so much and I am embarrassed to bring my little problem here but there appears to be no other suitable community to ask advice from.
The situation is this. My sister with whom I had a reasonable friendship went off her brain one night, verbally abused me and hit me quite hard across the face. There was no specific reason although I found out later that she felt she was not included enough in family things. She has never done this before or since. I am smaller than her and felt quite intimidated by her. Our friendship is on the rocks now although we are civil to each other. I have forgiven her in my heart but we have never brought it up to talk about. She has never apologised and I have no reason to think she even thought she did anything wrong.
The problem is I love my sister and I would like to repair our friendship but I feel I cannot bring it up without encountering her anger again. I do not understand why she would just explode like that. I am terrified she may do it again. I just fele there is this constant undercurrent of anger going on and I am literally scared to scratch the surface. I do not see any way ahead to resolve this.
The situation is this. My sister with whom I had a reasonable friendship went off her brain one night, verbally abused me and hit me quite hard across the face. There was no specific reason although I found out later that she felt she was not included enough in family things. She has never done this before or since. I am smaller than her and felt quite intimidated by her. Our friendship is on the rocks now although we are civil to each other. I have forgiven her in my heart but we have never brought it up to talk about. She has never apologised and I have no reason to think she even thought she did anything wrong.
The problem is I love my sister and I would like to repair our friendship but I feel I cannot bring it up without encountering her anger again. I do not understand why she would just explode like that. I am terrified she may do it again. I just fele there is this constant undercurrent of anger going on and I am literally scared to scratch the surface. I do not see any way ahead to resolve this.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
You may talk to another family member about the incident, perhaps they have insight you don't. If you choose to bring it up with your sister, make sure someone else is there in case she does explode. I think aproaching her like you did here, with the fact that you love her, but her outburst has you confused, hurt and afraid. Ask her outright if it was anything you did.
If this is the product of some underlying emotional problem, there is a chance that she won't even remember it. If that is the case, she may need to be evaluated for one of several disorders to see if she needs psychiatric help.
What I do know is this: It is never all right for somebody to hit you.
Therefore -- it doesn't matter what you may have done to set off this odd behavior. The only reason you want to know (imho) is because you are afraid it will happen again. You don't want to be hit again, so you think that if you know what you did, you can avoid repeating the whole thing.
Your sister needs help. She may have an anger problem or some deeper issue or mental illness. You and your family must get her some help.
This is the first time this has happened to you and the first time that you know about -- but what happens to yor sister when she hits a store clerk who is ignoring her -- or a child who disrespects her?
Get your family together and present a united front. She needs help.
I hope you can find a good psychiatrist and convince her to go.
lunachick,
Thanks, I appreciate the support.
recpatty,
I am sure you are right that it was more to do with other things than me but the verbal abuse went on for some time so I think she really was angry with me too.
As for approaching her with someone else, you are probably right but I sort of think this would be embarrassing for her. I am not sure who I should have there. She does seem sort of angry most of the time but this is the only time she has actually "blown up".
Psyc
I do not live with her. We both have our own families. I have considered talking to her on the phone or a letter or face to face and none of it seems right. Even if she doesn't blow up again I think she would blame me somehow and that would me angry. We would be worse off.
Bobbie,
My sister has been seeing a therapist for some years. She does have serious emotional problems. She has incredibly low self esteem. She has been improving in recent years.
I'm glad to read that you're sister is getting help.
My advice is for you to either quit seeing her,or see her in public places, and let go of trying to find out why she hit you.
You are not responsible for her outburst and it is up to her to deal with it and ask for your forgiveness.
Don't create drama. If she's feeling left out, you can be a friend -- it won't be the same, though. It never will. She crossed the line and she's the one who has to fix things.
Frankly, if it was my sister, I wouldn't ever speak to her again until she acknowledged what she had done and apologized for it. If she was unaware of what she'd done -- I'd be in touch with her doctor immediately.
I hope that helps.
I got hit a lot and I spent decades wondering about what I did etc. It doesn't matter.
Be aware that whatever comes out of a conversation with her is something you may have to deal with. If your sister is actually an abuser, you may have to let the relationship go. I know you love her-that's why you are here asking the question. What you need to do now is love yourself.
Missydi,
thankyou for your support. I am sure that you are right and that my sister would blame me if I ever brought it up with her. She is getting help though. She has been seeing a therapist for years and it has been helping her. She is not generally a controlling type. I mentioned before she has no self esteem. She is more likely to fall into a victim role, you know blaming everyone else for whatever is wrong, including apparently, me.
Queenvale,
She used to hit me a lot when we were kids but I thought that was over.
I am not too concerned with why she hit me except that I would like to stop it happening again. Also I think it would help to understand how to approach her about it, if that is possible.