One thing that eats me up but im dealing with is he told me a while back , i was very beautiful, and that i never looked better , but that he wasn't sexually attractive to me. And therefore our sex life was not good. He also stated that when he sees a pretty girl he has these perverse thoughts and if he were to be in a situation where he knew he can have a nother girl ( sexually ) he didnt know if he would resist, he didnt trust his judgement. Now, here i am paranoid he will cheat on me , i'm insecure now and although i feel pretty, desireable i still ask myself if im all this why cant he be attractive to me and look at other girls and have these thought. When i went out for a walk one time w/ him , i noticed this girl on her car, she was at a traffic light and he looked at her ( we know when our man sees something he likes or finds attractive ) and i thought to myself, i wonder what thoughts is he having ? ) how devestating is that . How hurtful. I appreaciate his honesty but sometimes the truth hurts and i wish he would of never told me that because it hurts me so so much. This is my man, and i dont care what other finds me attractive , is my man i want to feel that attraction from, and i dont have it and its tearing me apart. Long ago, he cheated on me countless times and i suffered so much , i hated how he made mefeel and here i am again worrying about this. He tells me he would never purposely put himself in a position where he would cheat on me , that he wouldnt hurt me like that but should that be enough to make me not feel this way. I am constantly thinking about this and is tearing me apart. I know men have this tendency, when they see another attractive women they have these thoughts but for him to tell me he isnt attarctive to me sexually as well makes me worry and sometimes i dont know what to make of it. I love this man dearly and i wish that these thoughts he has with other women he would put into play with me. I am very sexual and i am always willing to try different things with him but he almost makes me feel as if im dirty and that is why i stop trying so hard. I pray god helps us through this , is so hard to deal with. I hope we can get through this. We both agree to continue with our counceling and i know that would help me because i plan to be 100% honest about my life and what i want to improve on to become a better person. I wont give up ! Any feedback would be greatly appreaciated. Thanks everyone and god bless.
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