Well after playing with me for 4 days staight.He woke up this morning then said i love you.I was just waking up and i loked at him said nothign.He said you look like you have seen an alien.Laughed a little.He said dont worry im not and im not gonna do experiments or probe you,.I was like in shock.JHe has been so cruel so i just was lost i htink.I was careful in what i said and i asked him if he meant it he said yes.MEant that he wanted to make it right and he wanted to talk to me later.Other things he said too.Now this is a total switch from wha tit was yesterday.He gives me a hug and its like he wants it the sad face all of it.Then he leaves to go to work.In the meantime i get a mssg voice mail from his brother so i call to let him know.As i am talking to him he is different then before and i asked him if he really meant it and we would talk later then dead silence.So i thought maybe the phone went dead or something.Tried to call back etc but no answer he didn't try to call me back.I txtd him no txt back.So i feel like he was messing with m me.Now what i don't get is why that is necessary. at all.So im confused.I don't know what to do today.I could go do laundry at his moms house (we don't have machines here) but i don't wanna be around that.So its like i need it but i need to relax.Another thing is that is more of a question for you guys mine doesn't always yell he uses a low tone but its cruel mean and alot more.He twists things and ignores me in more of mocking way.isn't that what some of them do?The crazy making.withholding and blocking and diverting if it try to talk to him.Or even sometimes he says he will talk then he doesn't.If i get upset cry or raise my voice he says im the one.I tiptoe around him then try every once in awhile to talk.Most of the time he says im wasting my time and ignores me so mean and then if i cry he just looks at me so mean or if it gets me mad.I was the problem.Is this all crazy.I mean there is so much more but i cant write it all.So i don't know what to do.I feel he ignored me after telling me that.I need laundry but that is a difficult situation.The most important thing is that im not taking to much stock in what he said.I guess i have to see if things add up.Not just what he says but what he does.See i love him so i want to try but i not secure in that.I think it will happen again.I am also thinking more of me and what i need.I don't need to feel so low and devastated every week for days.So its better for me to keep that in my head no matter how it hurts because the other hurts.On the other hand if i really try to talk to him tell him what really bothers and try to work it out he could just get mad and thats what id really need to do.It could also be that he says that stuff then its happens again.I mean that is what happened before i thought we were trying and it was getting straightened out but then that happened and i was in shock and so hurt.I don't wanna feel that way again.So maybe i will just wait see how it plays out if he wants it to wont he try.If not hen i have my answer.I just cant stand it.I think it winds up the same things anyway.If it is to change i cant do it alone.I'm trying to look more these for me.I not gonna try if he wont or about things he says he needs but doesn't act like it.I drive myself nuts trying to figure it out.At least i will try not to.
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