Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Part of me wonders, with all of this abuse traveling from generation to generation.
Maybe when you've had this kind of experience, you're not meant to have children.
I know that I severely fear the possibility of having children and passing all of this pain and dysfunction on to them!
What do other people think.
Maybe when you've had this kind of experience, you're not meant to have children.
I know that I severely fear the possibility of having children and passing all of this pain and dysfunction on to them!
What do other people think.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I went all the way through my 20's without kids.
I was married to an abusive man for 15 yrs. and that kind of sealed my decision.
I also secretly wanted a different life that would make me OK to be a mom.
I had to start by parenting myself the way I should have been parented by my abusers. I had to realize that I am NOT them. They hurt me. They created in me the parts of me that I couldn't stand. They caused me to be weak and hopeless, but they did not destroy me.
I found out that deep inside there is the me that I was supposed to be. I had to reach within myself and start over. I had to go back and raise myself the way I should have been raised. With love and respect and patience and understanding.
It feels a bit goofy saying it out loud but try to imagine yourself as a small child at one of the really hurtful times and then see yourself as you are now.
The big you approaching the little you who is hurt and crying. Now imagine big you reaching out to little you and allowing her to feel her feelings, hold her and let her cry or scream or have an angry fit. Give her what she didn't receive from others. Be a good Parent to her.
It is possible.
I found a good counselor.
I left my abusive husband.
Into my 30's I still wasn't sure I was good enough to be a mom to someone else. (But then I'm not sure if everyone doesn't have at least some worries about being a parent.)
I'm not exactly sure when I made the final decision. After several years of work, I found that I had changed my world and how it, and the people in it, treated me. I was no longer willing to accept abuse from others. I was also no longer repeating to myself all the horrible things that were said to me as a child.
My son is two now, and beautiful and so worth the wait!
The good news for you is that you still have lots of time. Take your time.
The very fact that you have asked the question shows that you are intelligent and aware of the obstacles you may face as a parent. If you choose not to have children, there is no shame in that either. Society tends to shame or quiet people, especially women, when they choose not to reproduce but I think it would have been a huge mistake for me to have children earlier than I did.
I used to feel the same sort of fear. I'll be honest with you. There are times when I catch myself about to say or do something that my abusers would have done,usually when I am reacting to a temper tantrum. It pops up in front of me like a huge red flag and I take a time out for myself before I have done any damage. I have to be ever vigilant, always aware.
Good luck to you. Be kind to yourself. Practice parenting your "inner child". Be patient with her. Give her lots of praise and understanding. Love her the way she deserved to be loved all along.