I feel as though a part of me is dying. I just heard that d's moving away. I don't know why I feel this way. I am heartsick. I want to run to him and I can't. Trapped between my heart and my head. It's been a year of chaos, restraining orders and protection orders. Yet here I sit sick with grief. I still love him. I feel so damn empty. I wanted to stop the pain this afternoon. I almost made a terrible mistake. I am so lost and confused. Why can I not just let him go. There has been so much abuse. My life almost sniffed out by choking. Assault. Why am I still hanging on. I have been with him for seven years. I hurt so badly right now.
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