Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hello all,
For those of you lovely people here at Daily Strength who have been following my "Beaten by Boyfriend" post - today was the arraignment.
The judge granted me a final Restraining Order good until July, 2011. So that is great news.
I thought it was all going to be over one way or another today, but it wasn't. But apparently, that was the CIVIL case that I went to court for today. the restraining order. The CRIMINAL case, the battery charge, is different and starts to happen next month.
They told me sometime in February there will be the arraignment for that. Then sometime in April there will be a calendar call and also sometime in April there will be a trial. In the meantime, he sits in jail until then because he hasn't bonded out. Which is fine with me.
But the trial in April will be IN FRONT OF A JURY! I'm not sure I can handle that. It's a long way off so I'm going to give myself time to try to come to grips with it. Tonight I just can't even stand to think about it. It makes me so anxious. Not because he will be there, but because I have to say it all out loud in front of strangers.
Listen to this! Guess what I found out today. I went to the police station today to get the police report. It states that he told the police - are you ready for this? - that I HIT HIM and that he pushed me in self defense!!!!!
The lady at the state attorney's office said it's a 99.9% chance that his lawyer will advise him to plead Not Guilty, seeing as he's already on record with the cops as saying he didn't hit me, and that I'm the one who hit him.
This is all starting to get so ugly and weird. When we were in the courtroom today, it's the first time I've seen him since he was arrested 18 days ago. He looked like hell. He looked at me and mouthed the words "I'm sorry" and "I love you".
Believe me, I know why he's sorry. He's sorry because he is in jail. I however, am very happy that he has to stay in jail until April. Serves him right.
What I'M sorry for is that I now have to deal with standing in front of 12 strangers at a jury trial and parade my ugly story in front of them all.
I am so embarrassed I could cry. I'm going to try to read a book and sleep and try not to think about it tonight. I just can't handle the thought of standing in front of a room full of people and having them hear this ugly story. I'm a REALTOR! What is this going to do to my reputation? What if I know one of the jurors, or if they know someone who knows me? People gossip. This could ruin my career and my livelihood.
I wonder if there is a way I don't have to actually be there in person? Won't spend the money on a lawyer, but like maybe I can send in a recorded statement or something? Do I sound nuts? I'm sounding nuts even to myself. I think I'm going nuts.
For those of you lovely people here at Daily Strength who have been following my "Beaten by Boyfriend" post - today was the arraignment.
The judge granted me a final Restraining Order good until July, 2011. So that is great news.
I thought it was all going to be over one way or another today, but it wasn't. But apparently, that was the CIVIL case that I went to court for today. the restraining order. The CRIMINAL case, the battery charge, is different and starts to happen next month.
They told me sometime in February there will be the arraignment for that. Then sometime in April there will be a calendar call and also sometime in April there will be a trial. In the meantime, he sits in jail until then because he hasn't bonded out. Which is fine with me.
But the trial in April will be IN FRONT OF A JURY! I'm not sure I can handle that. It's a long way off so I'm going to give myself time to try to come to grips with it. Tonight I just can't even stand to think about it. It makes me so anxious. Not because he will be there, but because I have to say it all out loud in front of strangers.
Listen to this! Guess what I found out today. I went to the police station today to get the police report. It states that he told the police - are you ready for this? - that I HIT HIM and that he pushed me in self defense!!!!!
The lady at the state attorney's office said it's a 99.9% chance that his lawyer will advise him to plead Not Guilty, seeing as he's already on record with the cops as saying he didn't hit me, and that I'm the one who hit him.
This is all starting to get so ugly and weird. When we were in the courtroom today, it's the first time I've seen him since he was arrested 18 days ago. He looked like hell. He looked at me and mouthed the words "I'm sorry" and "I love you".
Believe me, I know why he's sorry. He's sorry because he is in jail. I however, am very happy that he has to stay in jail until April. Serves him right.
What I'M sorry for is that I now have to deal with standing in front of 12 strangers at a jury trial and parade my ugly story in front of them all.
I am so embarrassed I could cry. I'm going to try to read a book and sleep and try not to think about it tonight. I just can't handle the thought of standing in front of a room full of people and having them hear this ugly story. I'm a REALTOR! What is this going to do to my reputation? What if I know one of the jurors, or if they know someone who knows me? People gossip. This could ruin my career and my livelihood.
I wonder if there is a way I don't have to actually be there in person? Won't spend the money on a lawyer, but like maybe I can send in a recorded statement or something? Do I sound nuts? I'm sounding nuts even to myself. I think I'm going nuts.
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I am nervous to cry in front of other people including my therapist because I can’t anticipate how he will react. Most of my life I was either beaten or teased for crying and during some of the worst of it I was told not to cry. My therapist asked me how I would want him to respond and I had no words. Maybe just a gentle reply that it was ok? Any positive therapy responses to crying?...
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It's so hard to move on from multiple traumas since childhood onward. I was forced to grow up without a family bc they abused me so bad. I was treated like I didn't exist when I wasn't being abused. It has effected me and my life in every way possible. I haven't been able to have anything that resembles a normal life bc of this despite years of therapies and medicines plus self help practices. My...
Yeah, the jury will NOT believe that you hit him - I can't believe he even bothered trying to pull something like that.
Keep getting support on here, and you will be ready, and it is worth it to do what you need to do.
You are NOT nuts, and this will not harm your career.
LOTS of people have been through this, and people currently in abusive situations (like myself) will only be inspired by you.
Thanks for your response and sharing from your heart.
I don't know if his attorney requested a jury trial. The lady I spoke to yesterday (Penny) at Victim's Advocate at the State Attorneys office just told me that there will probably be a jury. I admit I was surprised too. Perhaps because it's a criminal charge (battery/hit/strike)?
According to Penny he's got a Public Defender lawyer. I've not heard from the lawyer and he wasn't there at the Restraining Order arraignment yesterday.
But yes, like you, I'm also glad that he is in jail until April. It's got to sink in to his thick Irish skull that he cannot act like this. My telling him in the past wasn't enough, hopefully a few months in jail will be enough for him to learn and make the right changes in his life choices in future.
I've been told that no matter what, this will go to trial. I now feel that this is going from bad to worse.
Initially I had steeled myself to get through to Jan. 12th, the arraignment - thinking that was the closing episode of this chapter.
When I found out about the rest still to come, I told Penny that I initially wanted to accomplish two things - have him thrown in jail for what he did and get a restraining order to keep him away from me and my home.
I told her that those two things were now accomplished. I don't really want to keep this thing hanging over my head for the next 3 1/2 months. She said it doesn't matter what I think, because The State is filing the charges, and I have no say in the matter.
Basically I was told "he broke a law" and "we have enough evidence to charge him and probably convict him" and "it's our choice alone" and "we intend to continue".
She said if I wanted I could request dropping the charges, but the State probably wouldn't, and also that I would have to RECANT my story if I did. In other words, I have to say I was LYING, which I won't do.
I really had no idea how serious this was in the eyes of the law. I guess I'd gotten too used to the abuse to realize that when it is viewed from someone the outside, it's really a bad thing with real consequences.
Of course, the bright side is that Phil (the abuser) is now also finally realizing the same thing LOL!
I am going ahead with the charges, I'm not requesting they drop them, I refuse to lie to protect him. I feel bad for him, but not bad enough to call myself a liar, when I am telling the truth. Maybe this way he'll learn.
Thanks again to you both for replying to my post!! HUGS TO YOU BOTH!
They also took photos of my injuries (which believe me were even worse the next day when they really flowered). I also have a doctor's report from the following day detailing my contusions, etc.
So I'm not worried about them believing his BS excuse of "self defense" and "I hit him first". In the police report it then goes on to say that Phil was "vague and refused to give a detailed explaination of the incident" and that he appeared "intoxicated" and had left "an angry note" (5 pages of rambling and misspelled accusations) taped to the front door, which was entered into evidence. When I get back I'll post his little "love note" that I'm talking about. Gotta go now, back later!