After spending more than half of my life in a controlling/abusive relationship, I find single life to be both liberating and terrifying. I am still extremely cautious. I have trouble with this whole feeling 'untethered'. I feel like I belong to no one and nothing. It's crazy....it's like I was owned by my ex for so long. Every decision I used to make was based on what his reaction would be. From who I could talk to, be friends with, where to spend my energy during the day....even to which burner and at which temperature I cooked dinner on. Now suddenly.....every decision is mine to make. There is great freedom in that....but there is also great loneliness in deciding who it is you want to be. He defined me for all of my adult life....we got together while I was a teenager and still developing my own personality/values. And now, here I am; 40 years old and just getting to know who I am. Clich? Yep....but that doesn't make it any less true. It's a strange journey....but I have to say this; the peacefulness of this life far outweighs the false sense of security I had in my past life. Thanks to the wonderful support from DS support groups I got here. I wish you all strange journeys filled with peace.
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