I spent my entire life fearing that one day I would fall in love, marry, then transform into my father - who was both emotionally and physically abused. I never turned into him - but now I am abused. Told what to do and when to do it. Given an allowance of 20 dollars a week and if I spend it all I am questioned. Told I am not to have credit cards, called and texted throughout the day and if I don't respond in a timely manner I need to explain myself. I am a nervous wreck feel as if I want to rip out of my skin and run.. I made a mistake. I am perpetuating the cycle of abuse but from the other side. I am the abused. I swore I would never let my children be raised in this situation so I need support and strength to go through with my plan to prevent myself from having children. I am trapped I did this to myself and it is allI can do now to prevent a child from being formed in this relationship and being raised in this environment. I just don't know ifI have enough nerve to take a day off from work to go to the doctor and have it taken care of - if she ever found out I think the yelling, etc. would be nothing compared to the wrath that would then come. I need prayers, big time..
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