Keep counselling, it takes time. And you are here getting support too so that is a good help. Crying may help some, talking with friends and you did the right thing with the letter. It all takes time hon, hang in there and you will be a better person for it.

Journaling does wonders also. Sit down and just write a page or two a day. Whatever comes to mind. Kind of stream- of-conscience type thing... (One tip if is to do it right after you wake up. You tend to be more honest first thing in the morning, however later in the day is better than not doing it.)

The point is to get IT out. Writing is a katharsis (sp?) in itself. It truly helps us get rid of negative emotions, but can also reinforce positive ones as well.

You will get there!! You just need to keep doing the things you're doing and you will begin to see some relief!!!

XX

Im sorry you're in such a bad place.Its so hard to forgive.Society has this attitude that we're the ones in the wrong for daring to be angry.It sounds like you're struggling with the fact he's dead too so you'll never get the opportunity to tell him to his face.It sounds like writing's something that works for you.Is there someone you can show your writing to so you at least feel like you've been heard.
I was so mad for so long,I felt like letting that go was like saying what my dad did was ok.I had to do lots of things to work through that anger,lots of writing,lots of talking,lots of drawing brutal pictures where i killed him in a different way each day.I think its unhealthy not to have anger about our abuse,i think its usually denial.At the same time,I realized eventually that being so full of rage was making me feel like shit while my abusers just got on with their lives.Of course making a decision like that doesnt cure us.I did however start trying to allow good things into my life and more importantly good people.We have to balance the scales in some way.Depression is anger turned inwards as far as i know so its not surprising that this is when it affects you the most.I think with anger we need to express it as much as we need to in as many ways as we can because we dont deserve to have it turned inwards.We've been abused enough without doing it to ourselves.It can feel so overwhelming that we get totally takne over by the results of our abuse.You deserve better than that.Might be time for you to start looking at who you would be witout the abuse,what do you like doing?what makes you happy?what can you bring into your life thats not related to what this areshole did to you.I hope you dont feel like Im invalidation your abuse,just that it might be worth trying some expression about the abuse and finding some good stuff you focus on aswell.

Thank you so much!! You all have actually helped me out, i have some good ideas of things i need to work on more when i get like that, it's frustrating because i have the abuse, PTSD, i'm struggling with codependency... and recovering from self injury, i have bpd tendencies...and it just seems like alot ...they all have different things to help deal wiht them, but everyone of them are basically thesame thing : forgiveness, detatchment, acceptance,and self care. So thank you for your input it's helped ALOT!